Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Staycation and plans for a birthday spanking

Last year, I was in Ottawa on vacation, celebrating Canada Day. It's incredible how different this year looks and feels.

While on vacation last year, I didn't give myself a birthday spanking. Being out and about as a tourist didn't make me even think about it.

I'm thinking about it now. It does get me aroused and excited.

I have a few plans. It's a question of figuring out which one I want the most and how long I want to spank myself for.

In the meantime, I came across this birthday spanking video. I like the idea of taking someone else's birthday swats.

Monday, June 29, 2020

Planning ahead and relaxing

I'm meeting up with a friend on a patio on Tuesday. We are both celebrating our birthdays while finally seeing each other since December of last year.

I am a decent planner. I don't need to hit a store to get a gift for her. I did all this shopping before the pandemic hit. I don't even need to get her a greeting card. I've taken care of that, too.

It's different doing a staycation this year. I'm more focused on me. I have been going at full speed at work for a few months. It's nice to take it easy.

Sunday, June 28, 2020

A haircut and a horny ex

I finally got my hair cut on Saturday. It has been six months since I last had it cut.

My theory holds true. For the last three months that I have been working from home, I have had my hair tied back in a ponytail. Both my hair's length and the fact that I had it tied back caused a lot of hair loss. Throw in some stress and it got worse.

Tonight, with my much shorter hair, I washed it. My hair loss is significantly less thus far. Yay!

After I wrote my post last night, I got a series of texts from the ex-guy. He was horny.

I haven't responded to him. I have nothing to say other than it was his loss for letting me go.

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Happy weekend!

The weekend is here and so is the start of my vacation!

I'm exhausted. I don't have much to say right now, other than to enjoy your weekend and stay safe!

Friday, June 26, 2020

Last workday before going on my vacation

Today is my last workday before I take some much needed time off. I'm ready to take a break.

This vacation will be interesting. For years, I didn't have a backup. Well, we instituted a backup plan at work this year.

My backup is on vacation. My second backup is the diva. What goes around, comes around.

For years, she has had the tendency to take vacation during the height of craziness at work. She once took two weeks off and left our team to pick up the slack before a major software release. She can no longer do that. She has taken over many of my duties and I feel that she finally appreciates just how much work I did and do.

My manager is also taking the same week off. I usually back him up. Instead, it's diva who will.

I'm glad that I don't have to witness how things will go with diva handling all this extra work. We'll see.

For my regular work, I'm good and don't need her to take over. I just want her to back me up for pressing issues. Here's hoping that it's quiet for everyone's sake.

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Masters and mistresses during a pandemic

I recently received a wonderful suggestion about seeing a mistress for some disciplinary fun. Although tempting, it made me realize that such businesses are likely suffering from the effects of everyone self-isolating during a pandemic.

Now that businesses are slowly and cautiously reopening, how are masters and mistresses doing these days? I would think that some would be hesitant to take on new clients. Others may do some pre-screening.

Right now, I'm extremely cautious. I'd wait a bit before considering being spanked by a mistress. It is intriguing, though.

Wednesday, June 24, 2020


I learned on Tuesday that my good friend, whom I last saw in Minnesota back in March, has leukemia.

I knew that she was going through something. She went in for a medical appointment after we had had lunch together. I wasn't expecting cancer.

She is currently getting chemotherapy and is on a pill. This treatment combination has a pretty high success rate, which is helpful and reassuring. 

She will need a bone marrow transplant once her cancer is in remission.

It's scary. I have known her for twenty years. I can't visit her, but I am definitely there for her when she has the need to talk and whatever support that I can provide to ease her mind.

I am thankful that she's getting treatment. I can only hope that she gets through this first hurdle of many.

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Reopening Toronto and Peel region, and planning what to do

On Wednesday, Toronto and Peel regions go into phase 2 of reopening businesses. The former is my hometown. The latter is where I work.

I am excited that restaurant patios are opening up. I'd like to visit one and see how it goes. I hope to try it out next week. 

When I'm on vacation next week, I want to get my hair cut. It's time. I haven't had my hair cut in six months, which is normal for me. I cut my bangs almost monthly.

As far as my panic attacks go, I figure that my not being involved in leading a software release caused it. It's weird. I am thankful that I wasn't in charge of it, as it has not gone smoothly.

My panic attack symptoms are mild now. I have a feeling that once I am on vacation, they will be gone.

Four more workdays to go. Yay!

Monday, June 22, 2020

Working from home for the rest of 2020

Last week, my employer announced that we are all working from home for the rest of 2020. On the whole, I am pleased with this decision.

A few weeks ago, my manager asked us whether we'd be interested in going back to the office. I felt that it was premature to pose such a question. When the office building and company roll out safety measures for employees, they would help me to decide whether I'm comfortable returning. Right now, I'm not because there haven't been any safety measures communicated to us. 

I do miss seeing colleagues that I like. However, I am happy to not commute to the office. It's 50 km for me in a single direction. I do like not fighting congestion, and saving time and money. I also like working quietly from home, with fewer distractions.

This week is my last before I go on vacation. I need a break badly.

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Don't touch my car!

I tend to go grocery shopping on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Every other Saturday, I head to a supermarket in Toronto where I can get popsicles with a banana base in them. It's the closest supermarket that sells them. They are yummy!

To make a long story short, when I backed into a parking spot in front of this store, there were cars on either side of me that were roughly the same size as mine. When I was done shopping and headed to my car, there was a pickup truck to the left of the driver's side. A man was loading groceries in the backseat of his truck. The door was pretty close to my driver's side.

I was putting my groceries in my trunk when I heard someone talking to me. It was the guy who was loading the truck. I couldn't hear him when he was standing practically at the front of my car.

"Pardon me?" I asked, as he walked from between his vehicle and mine over to the passenger side of my car.
"I pushed your side mirror in so I wouldn't hit it and fixed it. Hope that's okay" he said.

I put my hands up in the air. What?!

"I guess so," I said
"I think it's better than my door hitting it," he said.
"Not really. I have to wipe down my mirror now," I replied.

I was not impressed. I didn't articulate how annoyed I was. On a normal day, I'd be okay. Things aren't normal these days for these reasons:
  • We're in a pandemic. He came up to me to talk to me without a mask and far from being six feet apart. Jerk.
  • How is it okay to touch someone's property because you can't park for beans? Your germs are now on my car. Even though you appear okay health-wise, you may not be. Now, I have your grubby fingerprints on my car and need to sanitize that part of my car. Geez, thanks.
  • Why couldn't you have loaded your groceries from the other door? How about finding a parking spot where you can swing your doors open freely to load your groceries because you know that you won't be using your trunk?
I seriously dislike when folks adjust my car's side mirrors when I take my car in for servicing. It takes me forever to get them back to the way that best work for me. The fact that I had a complete stranger do it unexpectedly irks me.

It may seem like nothing to this guy, but it's not okay to me. He drives a huge truck, but it doesn't mean that he has every right to adjust other people's property to suit his lack of consideration for other people's property.

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Weekend and countdown to vacation

I'm glad that the weekend is here. 

If I'm not mistaken, my vacation is coming up. It is weird that I'm not travelling somewhere and staying at a hotel for a week. Instead, I'm doing a staycation and will do day trips.

Friday was the first day of patios and businesses opening up. There are strict guidelines going into phase 2. I'm cautiously optimistic. I'm happy that businesses can serve customers in a patio setting. Although some of my favourite retail stores have reopened, I don't have any desire to shop there. I'm good with hitting the grocery store, restaurants for takeout, and the drug store.

I'm content with what I have. What I need are essentials.

I am also optimistic about my debt situation, too. I'm paying more of it off thanks to staying and working from home. It's such a great feeling.

My anxiety has died down. It's not completely gone, but I barely noticed it on Friday. It's a great sign.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Friday, June 19, 2020

Hair loss

Years ago, when I was stressed over my mom's stroke, I lost a significant amount of hair on my head. It was scary. Most of my hair grew back, thankfully.

These days, I am losing more hair than I usually do. I am stressed and anxious. I have a feeling that the latter is a vicious cycle. I'm anxious about my hair loss, which has continued because I'm stressed out.

Well, I have concluded that my hair loss isn't due to my anxiety or stress. It's likely a combination of my hair's regular growth cycle and the fact that I have been trying my hair back every day.

When I used to head to the office, I wore my hair down. Since I've been working from home for over three months, I only have my hair down after washing it and when I am asleep.

Lately, I have been letting my hair breathe by wearing it down more. Sure enough, my hair loss has lessened.

A small detail like letting my hair down makes such a huge difference.

Thursday, June 18, 2020

Music and spilled drinks

This morning, my music transferred successfully from Google Music to YouTube Music. The downside is that my Mac mini had such a workout that it's not booting up. It's currently taking a break.

Yesterday wasn't a great day for beverages. I spilled both my green iced tea and black cherry pop. I mean at least half of it poured into two different carpets. Ugh!

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Transfering music from Google Music to YouTube Music

Plans for Google Music to become YouTube music have been in the works for at least a year. I have been a fan of the former for a while and have a subscription. I like that I can upload my entire iTunes library to Google Music and storage is free.

Yesterday, I got word to transfer my music from Google Music over to YouTube Music. I have a lot of music. It has been transferring for over six hours. It's down to the last task, which is to transfer uploads and purchases. This final task also happens to be the largest.

I started this task on my work laptop. I stopped it and it's now running on my Mac mini. I'll have it run overnight and see how it's doing when I wake up.

My Tuesday started early. I had a conference call at 7 am that lasted four hours. It was nice calling it a day just past 3:30 pm.

The downside is that I'm ready for bed now.

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

York region is in phase 2

York region, where I live, is now in phase 2 of reopening stores and such. It means that hairdressers can open up shop, groups of ten people can mingle while adhering to physical distancing, and more.

It's a good sign. Sadly, Toronto, which is south of where I live, is still in phase 1, along with two other regions in Ontario.

I am due for a haircut at the end of the month. I hope that my regular hairdressers are back by then. I will be tipping whomever cuts my hair well. They have been away from work for over three months. It's the least that I can do.

Monday, June 15, 2020

Rescheduled dental appointment and relaxing

I was supposed to have my bi-annual dental appointment next week. My dentist's office is still closed. Instead, my appointment has been rescheduled to sometime in November.

I am relieved. My electric toothbrush that I've had for the past three months has been doing a great job.

On Sunday, I spent the day cooking and relaxing. It was great.

I'm relaxing now before I head to bed. I got a bit tense last hour. I'm still trying to figure out what is making me anxious. I'm now thinking that it's not work-related.

Sunday, June 14, 2020

Self-cleaning vagina

The vagina is a fascinating organ. Although I miss having sex with a loving partner, self-pleasure is pretty good these days.

Like my menstrual cycle, the vagina also self-cleans monthly. When it happens, it's almost as if I am wet all the time. When I'm aroused while my vagina is self-cleaning, it's like Niagara Falls.

It's not a complain. I'm simply impressed.

I find that focusing on pleasuring myself helps with my anxiety these days. I still can't narrow down the cause of it, but my symptoms go away when I'm not in deep thought.

Saturday, June 13, 2020

Somebody Feed Phil

Ever since season three of Somebody Feed Phil came out, I am on Netflix more often. I'm actually rewatching the last two seasons.

I laughed so hard when Phil Rosenthal went on a roller coaster in Copenhagen and looked like he had died afterwards.

Currently, I'm watching the Cape Town episode. I miss travelling these days, but feel like I am rewatching these episodes.

Friday, June 12, 2020

Deep breaths help

It's Friday. I am exhausted from the workweek.

I've been practising taking deep breaths while my eyes are closed, which helps me unwind. It calms me. The problem these days is that I am working at such a pace that I tense up, which seems to trigger panic attack symptoms.

I need to take some time to break. I'm horrible at it.

Thursday was much better, except when two people pinged me on our work instant messaging app. The disruptions and their inability to read annoyed me. It triggered my stress for a brief period. I did more deep breaths and I was fine afterwards.

As for working from home, my workplace has extended this period till the first week of July. I am taking a week of vacation then. It's much needed. I had planned to vacation somewhere. Instead, my plans have changed and I'll be doing a staycation instead.

I do need a break from this hectic pace at work, which I am looking forward to enjoying.

Thursday, June 11, 2020

Panic attack - take 2

I thought that my panic attack would go away after fixing various problems that diva lady had introduced at work on Tuesday. After I fixed a few of them, I still felt tense.

My panic attack has eased a bit, but it's something else that is causing it. I dislike trying to do detective work to figure it out. Sometimes, it's not all that obvious to me.

I'm thinking now that it's the uncertainty that I had volunteered to pitch in and help diva woman with her activities, because her pace is slow to complete them and my manager doesn't have complete faith in her.

Panic is setting in because I am expecting a wave of work next week. It happens to coincide with our software release work. I have let my boss know. He said that diva would roll out a plan either last Friday or this past Monday. I haven't heard a thing.

It's the silliness of uncertainty that is causing my panic attack. Considering that I have experienced worse in the past, I feel that not knowing what diva is up to is causing my anxiety. She has no plan.

So, I just need to work with what I do know. I have work to do and I'll take things a day at a time.

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Panic attack

It has been a while since I have experienced a panic attack. The last time was over a year ago when my ex-guy broke up with me.

My panic attack symptoms are straightforward. My feel like my breathe is short. My chest gets a bit tight. It's not a great feeling.

I used to get these symptoms often when I was in grade 7. I disliked doing presentations in front of the class. These days, I talk so much in front of people that it's not an issue.

My symptoms started happening on Sunday night. It briefly happened after work on Monday. It became full-blown after work on Tuesday.

It took me a while to figure out why. It's the dread that diva woman was taking over a task of mine blindly -- without truly knowing what she needed to do It was the dread of her messing up and the consequences that was and is causing this anxiety.

She drafted up a checklist at 2:30 am on Tuesday for me to review and decided to do this task 6.5 hours later. She had the software release number wrong right off the bat.

Yep, my dread was correct.

This task would take me just under five hours to do. By the time I was done with my workday on Tuesday, she hadn't finished. I realize that it was her first time doing the actual work, but taking eight hours is slow.

I have also realized that she messed up a sequence of changes. Ugh!

Right now, my panic attack symptoms are minimal. It's the case because I am writing about them here and the onus is on her when things aren't right.

I never expected getting a panic attack over this change. Weird. I'm sure that it'll disappear once her work is over.

Tuesday, June 09, 2020

Businesses come and go

I feel for businesses during this pandemic. I do takeout twice a week to support them. I hope that they remain open by the time this pandemic is over.

The sad news is that I have seen many of my favourite businesses close for good. A cupcake place that had four locations in the greater Toronto area is down to one. A ramen place that opened a year ago is now gone for good.

I am fortunate to be able to work from home and continue to earn an income. Not everyone has that option or has it as good.

There is the odd resurrection happening, though. That ramen place that shut down after a year? It is now a Hong Kong-style eatery. It just opened for business.

I hope to visit it this week, to say goodbye to the ramen place that once stood there and to say hello to a new eatery that I hope will stick around for a bit.

Monday, June 08, 2020


My Mac mini is currently getting its operating system upgraded. I find that it doesn't clear the memory properly afterward this sort of upgrade, which causes me to unplug my Mac mini for at least a day.

I change my mind between whether to get a new Mac mini or keep it for a longer period. I'm in that scenario with my iPad, too. Both are roughly a decade old. I find that they aren't major necessities. After all, I'm still blogging!

Weekends are far too short. This upgrade feels like it's longer than my weekend!

Sunday, June 07, 2020

New panties!

My bi-monthly panties came in. They are cute. It's a throwback to simplicity.

I like the two small peacock blue buttons. They look good and match nicely with the elastic trim.

The cut isn't what I normally wear, but they feel and look comfortable. The back looks like the following:

I do love this service. It's fun and I enjoy looking forward to a new addition to my panties collection.

Saturday, June 06, 2020

Just went I thought I was out, I'm back in

It's funny how my previous post described two people who have taken over a portion of my workload. We'll, I'm returning to that world to help them out for the next two weeks.

The woman, who took half my duties, cannot handle the next three software releases. When she first started out with the company, I nicknamed her the diva because she has that vibe. I see it again. So, I will be pulled in for a bit, along with the incompetent woman.

I dislike bailing people out because they are incompetent. Ugh!

Frankly, my manager is worried that these two people can't pull off our major release. I have been told that I won't be there 50% of the time. I pointed out to my manager that I have regular development work that I can't let slide. He understood.

On Friday, my manager confided during our weekly chat that he doesn't feel comfortable giving a specific task to the other person who is taking over my duties. He feels that I am the best candidate. Although it was a nice compliment, I can't handle everything. It explains why I used to always be exhausted after a major software release.

I don't want to be cloned, but it sounds like a fun idea to explore in this scenario.

Friday, June 05, 2020

Appreciation and respect at work

For years, I successfully handled completed every software release containing documentation. As of a few months ago, this main task was handed off to two of my counterparts.

During this entire period, I felt that folks on my team took my work for granted. I wasn't losing my mind. They did.

The woman who has been doing half my role finally realized that I do a lot of work. I had invited her to a meeting on what to do after a release is over. She decided to waltz into this meeting 1.5 hours later.

It just shows that when folks aren't responsible for a task, they don't care. When they are, it matters and they panic when they don't have the answers.

It's happening now.

With my manager,  he makes me the representative for everything. I had a good talk about this issue again this past Tuesday. It needs to be spread around the team. If I'm not available, the knowledge is likely lost when I do not have a backup.

Folks are listening. In a team meeting on Thursday, this woman thanked me for always being there for her when she has questions and I quickly reply. She called me a "data bank," which is a fun nickname.

My manager decided to nominate someone else to represent our team for development work. He said that normally, it would go to me, but he said that I am pretty busy. You think?

My manager also said that for the last seven years, I have been handling all these release activities "quietly and flawlessly." I complete my work. I communicate well. I don't complain, other than when things are completely stressing me out and I need help, or when someone is holding up the process.

Progress is good. It's important to vocalize how you feel. It is also noticeable how valuable you are as an employee when you no longer do a specific task and your manager worries about the folks (yep, plural) who are taking it over.

Thursday, June 04, 2020

Drugstore to get clarifying shampoo

I go out on Wednesdays after work to get groceries and takeout. For a while, I have passed by a fairly new drug store. I have meant to drop by and finally did after I got groceries last night.

It's nice. There were a grand total of two customers in there. The two employees were happy to see me. One of them was great in telling me where the shampoo aisle was.

My hair has been falling out more than it usually does. I have a feeling that it's a combination of its regular hair cycle and the stress that I have endured at work for the past couple of weeks.

I needed a clarifying shampoo. The ones that I am currently using cause my scalp to itch. I finally got some at this drug store. I was thrilled that it was on sale, too.

I loved how friendly staff were. I liked the selection. I'm glad that I finally stopped by.

Here's hoping that the clarifying shampoo works.

Wednesday, June 03, 2020

Debt reduction update

I haven't written about my debt reduction progress for a bit, other than continuing to save money staying at home. Commuting to the office is gone. I don't fill up my car with gas all that often. I go out twice a week for groceries, essentials, and takeout to help my favourite restaurants out.

As a result, I have more disposable income. It has been great contributing to my retirement saving and regular savings accounts. I had to dip into the former when my debt situation wasn't great. I didn't have an emergency fund. My regular savings account is that emergency fund that I have wanted and needed.

I get paid this week. It's a huge turning point. I will be paying off my line of credit completely. I am thrilled.

I do recommend having a budget and sticking to it, no matter how great or grave your debt situation is. I have been using an Google Sheets spreadsheet for a while and it does wonders. It's a question of being disciplined sticking to your budget, which is the toughest part.

Tuesday, June 02, 2020

Taking a break from social media and news

Watching coverage of protests, looting, outrage over racism, and more on television and social media is a double-edged sword. 

On the one hand, it's good that we are discussing how wrong racism is. It's not cool for a police officer to kneel on a black man's neck for nearly nine minutes and ignoring his request to breathe like a human being. On the other hand, the coverage of windows being broken and idiots stealing merchandise and more is way too much for my liking.

I've decided to take a break from tuning into the news or reading my social feeds. It's way too much sensory information to absorb.

I spent some time reorganizing things at home. I stopped briefly due to the craziness happening at work for the last two weeks. It was nice to unwind by getting rid of items that I had kept for a while.

Monday, June 01, 2020


It has been roughly three months since I was last in Minneapolis. The tragic death of George Floyd at the hands of a Minneapolis police officer is horrible and heartbreaking.

I felt safe when I was there practically monthly before the pandemic. I see looting, stores up in smoke, and clashing between outraged protestors and police on television. It makes me sad. I don't feel safe returning.

I believe in speaking up and protesting. It's frustrating to see people looting while taking advantage of the situation for their own agenda. It's not cool to steal goods from businesses.

I feel for everyone.