Happy birthday to my best friend!

Today's my best friend's birthday. We have been friends since we met in summer school when I had just turned sixteen years old. He is 1.5 months older than I am.

He came out to me as being gay when we were in university. I still remember that conversation over the phone. He didn't know how I'd feel I was good with it.

We caught up today when I texted him to say hi and wish him a great day. I didn't realize that his Facebook account was hacked and he had created a new account. He didn't know that my Instagram account had got hacked, either. We both weren't following each other, which is funny when I look at things now.

We sent a bunch of texts today. It was nice catching up. We hope to meet over a meal or something soon. It has been way too long!

My friend's passing

My dear friend passed away from Leukemia on Sunday. I got the news last hour.

It's heartbreaking. She enriched my life with her friendship. I am thrilled that I knew her for over twenty years.

Her last e-mail to me was that she loved our friendship. She loved me. She wished that we had travelled more together.

She was the ideal travel companion. We never had a disagreement when we travelled together, be it snorkelling or drinking beer. We knew that we would be travelling companions when we retired.

I have been looking at photos of her. I particularly like the one that I took of her with her daughter at a playground. They are both smiling, with her young daughter hugging her.

I was fortunate to have met up with her for lunch back in December 2019, and January and March 2020. I will remember hugging her for the last time after lunch and waving to her as she drove off.

I am happy that I got to say that I loved her and cherished our friendship. I am at peace telling her what I needed to before she passed on.

May she rest in peace.

My friend's cancer turn for the worst

I got some discouraging news from my friend who has been battling leukemia for several months. I've been bummed about this news since learning about it just after 4 pm on Thursday.

She let me know that her treatment in Houston has failed. The cancer has now spread to her spine and she is paralyzed from the waist down. Radiation hasn't helped shrink her tumour, either.

She will be air-ambulanced back to the Mayo Clinic in my former home of Rochester, MN either today or shortly thereafter. 

It's encouraging news that she will be with family before Christmas. However, this news wasn't what we all wanted or expected.

Her message to me had an ominous tone to it. It's understandable, but I may be reading into it more. She ended it with the following:

"I really enjoyed our friendship. I love you and wished we could have travelled more together!"

I let her know that I treasure our friendship and said that I love her back. She is a dear friend and the thought of losing her is devastating. I continue to pray for her.

I hope that my seeing her in March wasn't my final time. Not being able to see her during a pandemic and with a closed Canada-US border is frustrating.

Telling the ex that he's an insensitive jerk

Last night, I had a texting conversation with my ex-guy. He is indeed an insensitive jerk.

He wanted to know how I was doing. I said that he didn't need to check up on me. He said okay and wished me goodnight.

That's when I called him an insensitive jerk. He never asked me how I was doing after he had dumped me. He told me to take a pill when I was experiencing anxiety after he broke the news. Why is he so concerned now? It's a facade that he cares. It's a joke.

To make a long story short, he wants our friendship to continue. He doesn't want a relationship. He does want fun and sex. I told him no back in April. It's still no now. If he wants sex without a relationship, perhaps he needs a prostitute. I know that he wouldn't because he's too cheap to pay for this service.

What nerve!

I told him that I hated him. Hate is a strong word, but I do for the pain, anxiety, and sadness that he has caused. I also said that he confirmed last night that he is an insensitive person who only cares about his hard cock, which is where his brain is.

It felt good to say that it was his loss for dumping me -- that he didn't know how good he had it. I also gave him advice to read books on relationships and friendships. He needs all the help he can get. He can post reviews on his YouTube channel and refer back to them, because he sucks at friendships and relationships.

I basically said that I didn't want what little was left of our friendship and told him not to contact me again.

I slept well. It's quite the change from April where I was so upset. I know that I deserve better. It's just sad that I dated a jerk.

I have removed him as a contact on Skype. It felt good getting rid of baggage.

Leukemia

I learned on Tuesday that my good friend, whom I last saw in Minnesota back in March, has leukemia.

I knew that she was going through something. She went in for a medical appointment after we had had lunch together. I wasn't expecting cancer.

She is currently getting chemotherapy and is on a pill. This treatment combination has a pretty high success rate, which is helpful and reassuring. 

She will need a bone marrow transplant once her cancer is in remission.

It's scary. I have known her for twenty years. I can't visit her, but I am definitely there for her when she has the need to talk and whatever support that I can provide to ease her mind.

I am thankful that she's getting treatment. I can only hope that she gets through this first hurdle of many.

Travel plans with a good friend while catching up

The other day, I met up with a good friend whom I haven't seen in a decade. We had a good lunch and caught up.

She let me know that once she's retired, she'd like to travel with me. She's ten years older than I am. We have been on vacation together and it feels like one with her. We like the same things. We don't have a cross word to say to each other. We like rooming together. It's good.

I let her know that I'd be around when she's ready. She smiled, which is a silent approval from her.

Even though we don't talk often, it hasn't affected our friendship. It's intact. It still goes on after nearly two decades. It's great.

Reflective and relaxed

I'm stateside. All is well.

Being on vacation has made me extremely reflective. Being on a plane makes me think about my current and past friendships and relationships. Songs lyrics make me nostalgic, happy, sad, and more. It has been therapeutic.

On a good note, I am eating well and experiencing new places to eat yummy food. It has been great so far.

Travel and friendship

I am all packed. I always feel like I have forgotten to pack something, though.

I am thrilled that I get to see a friend during this trip. I haven't seen her in a decade. I felt bad that I have not in touch with her as often as I would like.

It's good that she understands me. It's nice that our friendship remains strong and intact for nearly two decades!

Life has its ups and downs

Life works in mysterious, wonderful ways. With sadness comes a silver lining.

I found out yesterday that my junior kindergarten teacher had passed away recently. She was musical. I remember singing in her class all the time and I loved it. It's likely one reason why I love music.

I posted her obituary on a social medium platform. A friend of mine revealed that we were likely in the same junior kindergarten class, but didn't know it. It's crazy to think that we have known each other since we were four years old! We forged a friendship in high school She switched elementary schools. Yet, we still have memories of truly knowing each other as four-year-old kids, but didn't make the connection until now.

Perhaps it's just a sign that our teacher's passing has sparked a new perspective on our friendship. Pretty cool!

My friend is recovering well after surgery

My friend had surgery on her bowel. It got twisted, which caused her abdominal and back pain. She lives roughly two hours away from me.

I went to see her on Saturday. She is healing nicely. She was understandably tired, but in good spirits.

I have known her since we were both twelve years old. She is roughly two weeks older than I am.

Both of us never thought that we'd have surgery. I had back surgery eight years ago, almost to the day. I think she felt better when we talked about and shared our surgery experiences.

I gave her a card and a gift card. I wrote how much I appreciated her. I said that our friendship meant even more now.

She thanked me several times for coming. It was the least that I could do. The drive wasn't anything. I was thankful that I could brighten her day as she continues to recovery.

It was good seeing her. I hope to check up on her again soon.

Severing a friendship after being romantically involved

I have been thinking about my ex-guy more than I should be. In the past, it has been easier to sever ties with my exes.

The issue is that he wants to stay friends with me. I find it difficult when friends often care about one another. He has hurt me by severing our relationship as a loving couple.

I feel that I need to sever the friendship or what's left of it. It makes my moving on easier. Luckily, he doesn't come into the office all that often, so it's easy. I also haven't been answering his e-mails. Again, it's easy.

Healing takes time. It's not all that easy, but it gets easier as I continue to heal.

Good weekend and making friends in the dating scene

This weekend flew by. I had a great time catching up with a couple of friends who are here on vacation. I feel well-rested.

The Labour Day long weekend is coming up. I am spending most of it in my ex-guy's hometown. I was there a few weekends ago and I felt good.

Although I still have moments of sadness when I think of him and our relationship being over, I am good. I decided to put out an ad on Plenty of Fish. I have responses. I simply need to sit down and sift through them. So far, folks are nice, wanting to have coffee and chat. I'm good with that.

Baby steps into building a friendship and seeing where it'll take me. It feels like a major step, but it's a positive one for me.

Thoughts about my ex-guy

My ex-guy has written a couple of e-mails to me since we broke up and entered new territory as friends only. I haven't responded to them. Part of me wants to break free of him. I am not ready to continue on as friends, as if nothing has happened.

The other part of me feels the need to write back, just to say thanks and that's it. It simply is polite.

However, I am entitled to all the time that I need for me. He has hurt me three times too many. He also needed time for himself to come to the decision that he no longer wanted to be with me.

I am at a similar crossroads. The difference is determining whether I want to remain friends with him. Frankly, he needs me as a friend more than I do him.

I am not fully healed. I have moments where I despise him. I miss him from time to him, too. I also tear up when I think of all the intimate moments that we have spent together.

Will it get easier? Sure. It's a question of time. Time is slowly healing me. That's the catch. I don't know how much time I need, but I know that nearly 1.5 months isn't enough to get over him.

Stronger - then and now

When Kelly Clarkson's song, Stronger, came out back in 2011, it became my anthem on multiple levels.

I was dealing with a colleague who was incompetent. It seems to still be the trend at my workplace these days. This guy was originally my manager. He had issues doing his job. Sleeping on the job will do that. Eventually, he made enemies with everyone, including me, and decided to leave the company.

I was going a back issue during this ordeal. I ended up getting back surgery to remove a disk that was causing a ton of numbness and pressure down my right leg. My guy and I became a couple just before I had surgery. Stronger became my song to get better and be my best self.

Frankly, I stopped tearing up a week ago. I was driving home from work and Stronger came on the radio. The lyrics hit me. It's okay to be sleep alone. The bed does feel warmer. It doesn't mean that I am over because you're gone.

It's trying to find the person that I was before the relationship. I have found her. I am hopefully wiser after this relationship, but I am strong and I will be okay.

In a past post, I had mentioned that I deserve better. I do, both in a romantic relationship and in a friendship. I am perfectly fine walking away from my friendship with him. I don't need to deal with his indecisiveness.

Last Friday, we had lunch together. There were a couple of hints that he still has feelings for me, but I didn't act on them.

"I have always loved your purple nail polish," he said.
"It's not the same colour. The one that you are referring to is long gone. I used the bottle up," I replied.

As we walked out of the restaurant, he touched my lower back. He hasn't done that in ages. I am thinking that it is habit more than anything.

When we got to the office, I simply said, "See you whenever," and walked away. It's exactly how I feel. I am not waiting for you. I don't want us to get back together. It's over. I am moving on and seeking someone who loves and respects me.

As for diving into a relationship, I'm not ready yet. I am going to enjoy some time to myself. If something happens, I'll figure it out then. Right now, I can't handle being in a relationship.

A Star is Born

I watched another movie today. I managed to squeeze in A Star is Born at the movie theatre. I loved it. It's another love story with twists and turns.

My guy would love this movie and Crazy Rich Asians, I reckon. He is still experiencing back pain. It's the only downside of our weekend. However, it's nice to know that we are thankful for our patience, love, friendship, and a ton more during this Thanksgiving weekend.

Good friends and calligraphy

On Saturday, I spent the day with a dear friend. It was good to catch up, shop, eat, and exchange Christmas presents.

We normally get together before Christmas. It didn't happen last year, so we did it yesterday instead. She got me a calligraphy set, which was wonderful, along with an R2-D2 Christmas ornament. I love them. She is an extremely thoughtful person.

I told her the story of our grade 8 art teacher asking my class who knew how to do calligraphy. A handful of my pears said my name. I was elected to print the names of each student graduating from grade 8. I did it with my good friend at the time. We had eight graduating classes to do, so we both took on four classes each of student names.

I wrote my own name on my graduation certificate. Perhaps I shouldn't have. Part of me felt that it didn't feel official doing so. I knew that it was, though.

My friend was impressed. I don't recall doing her certificate. We first met in grade 7, so I would have remembered such an important detail.

Even though we have been friends for ages, we still learn from each other. It's never a dull friendship. It's one that I truly appreciate and she does, too.

Last post of 2017 - reflection and gratitude

I just looked at the number of posts that I have written in 2017. I am not sure what possessed me to write 346 posts. Somehow, I did it.

As many of you know, I am a writer by trade. It's simply in a much different form than what you have seen on my blog. This blog is the perfect place for me to unwind, put my thoughts somewhere, and share my fun spanking experiences with the love of my life, my guy.

I want to thank you for reading along this year -- perhaps even longer than that! Your support, encouragement, and friendship have meant so much to me.

I'd like to wish you a safe and happy last day of 2017, and a bright 2018 to come!

Love,
Cutiebootie

Belated birthday and great gifts

On Saturday, a dear friend and I got together to celebrate our belated birthdays. We live a couple of hours away from each other.

A while back, my guy first introduced me to a cell phone mounter for your car. The mount uses magnets. He bought me one as a gift and I have been using it ever since. As one of my gifts to my friend, I got her the same one. She recently bought a car and does not have one. She does now!

My guy does give great gifts. I told him about this one and he smiled when I told him that he's great at giving gifts, too.

B is for being me #AtoZchallenge

I have a unique relationship with my manager. We have a respectful employee-manager work relationship. It has also developed into a friendship, which still feels new to me.

Last Thursday, I had my performance review for 2016. Don't ask why it came so late. My company is messed up that way.

When it came down to what I could do to improve, my manager polled a rather toxic individual who naturally gave negative feedback. He hinted that both he and I dislike this person.

I flat out told him how I felt. This person seems to always have something negative to say about me and cannot back up her comments with factual information. She is highly toxic and is probably acting this way because I seem to be a threat to her. I ended saying that I would take her statement with a grain of salt, as she doesn't even know me.

I never asked why my manager asked this individual for feedback. We don't work closely with each other. After saying my two cents, he nodded in agreement.

My performance review was positive. My manager confided in me. He said that there are two writers whom he can count on to meet deadlines and get our work done. I am one of them, which is a nice compliment. The other compliment was that I was the only one on the team who received a comment saying that my work is of high quality.

The younger me would have been upset over the toxic woman's negative remarks. The person writing this blog post now is not. I am pleased with my performance at work. I balance the workload of at least two writers. These days, it seems like three. I will not let one idiot's negative remarks with no factual information to back her accusations up dampen my spirit.

I like who I am and how far I have come. It's good to grow.

Diametrically opposed periods

On Saturday, I spent the day with a good friend. We have been friends since grade 7.

Growing up, she lived in the suburbs and I lived in Toronto. We both went to the same senior public and high schools in the eastern part of Toronto. We were in touch while we attended different universities. I then moved away to another province and country, eventually finding my way back to the greater Toronto area. She ended up moving to Toronto and staying there. We still got together whenever I was in town and we kept in touch through the years.

In June, she will be moving to eastern Ontario, in a city that is roughly a two-hour drive away from me. It's not too bad, considering that we'll be meeting midway somewhere.

I am excited for her. The change will be good for her. Naturally, I will miss hanging out with her as frequently as we have been these days. However, distance has never been an issue for us.

As weird as this segment will be, we seem to be diametrically opposed in some areas of our lives. We both realized that menstrual cycles are one such area.

She let me know as we were driving to one of our favourite restaurants that she is perimenopausal. It basically means that she is experiencing irregular menstrual cycles and menopausal symptoms, such as hot flashes, earlier than you typically do as a woman. She seems to get getting her period every six months. Her doctor has said that either she will continue this irregular pattern or her period will cease.

As for me, I experienced the complete opposite experience. When I first got my period in grade 7, my period was irregular right from the start. Mine never happened monthly. Sometimes, it was six months later. Other times, it could have been a year. My thyroid checked out fine. I was given pills to regulate my period and so on.

It wasn't until I lost sixty pounds nearly six years ago that my menstrual cycle became a monthly, predictable event. Hormones are interesting. I had lost and gained weight many times in my life, and my period continued to be irregular. It wasn't until I lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off that my hormones stabilized.

So, my good friend and I are like two ships in the night, except that we are Cancerian and often meet by water.