Progress and plan of attack on an massive spreadsheet

I spent Tuesday working on a page of updates. It took me a good eight hours of thorough work.

I have roughly ten pages left. I am going to copy and paste content as-is. It's not the best method, but it does make my documents complete.

Once all that is done, I'll cycle back and do my thorough fixes. It's my current plan that will definitely get the content in by end-of-day Wednesday. If I can't get my thorough fixes in by Wednesday, that's okay. I'll continue fixing them for the next software release.

I dislike scope creep. An additional 2,000 rows of information in this one spreadsheet was completely unexpected.

Reopening Toronto and Peel region, and planning what to do

On Wednesday, Toronto and Peel regions go into phase 2 of reopening businesses. The former is my hometown. The latter is where I work.

I am excited that restaurant patios are opening up. I'd like to visit one and see how it goes. I hope to try it out next week. 

When I'm on vacation next week, I want to get my hair cut. It's time. I haven't had my hair cut in six months, which is normal for me. I cut my bangs almost monthly.

As far as my panic attacks go, I figure that my not being involved in leading a software release caused it. It's weird. I am thankful that I wasn't in charge of it, as it has not gone smoothly.

My panic attack symptoms are mild now. I have a feeling that once I am on vacation, they will be gone.

Four more workdays to go. Yay!

Panic attack - take 2

I thought that my panic attack would go away after fixing various problems that diva lady had introduced at work on Tuesday. After I fixed a few of them, I still felt tense.

My panic attack has eased a bit, but it's something else that is causing it. I dislike trying to do detective work to figure it out. Sometimes, it's not all that obvious to me.

I'm thinking now that it's the uncertainty that I had volunteered to pitch in and help diva woman with her activities, because her pace is slow to complete them and my manager doesn't have complete faith in her.

Panic is setting in because I am expecting a wave of work next week. It happens to coincide with our software release work. I have let my boss know. He said that diva would roll out a plan either last Friday or this past Monday. I haven't heard a thing.

It's the silliness of uncertainty that is causing my panic attack. Considering that I have experienced worse in the past, I feel that not knowing what diva is up to is causing my anxiety. She has no plan.

So, I just need to work with what I do know. I have work to do and I'll take things a day at a time.

Panic attack

It has been a while since I have experienced a panic attack. The last time was over a year ago when my ex-guy broke up with me.

My panic attack symptoms are straightforward. My feel like my breathe is short. My chest gets a bit tight. It's not a great feeling.

I used to get these symptoms often when I was in grade 7. I disliked doing presentations in front of the class. These days, I talk so much in front of people that it's not an issue.

My symptoms started happening on Sunday night. It briefly happened after work on Monday. It became full-blown after work on Tuesday.

It took me a while to figure out why. It's the dread that diva woman was taking over a task of mine blindly -- without truly knowing what she needed to do It was the dread of her messing up and the consequences that was and is causing this anxiety.

She drafted up a checklist at 2:30 am on Tuesday for me to review and decided to do this task 6.5 hours later. She had the software release number wrong right off the bat.

Yep, my dread was correct.

This task would take me just under five hours to do. By the time I was done with my workday on Tuesday, she hadn't finished. I realize that it was her first time doing the actual work, but taking eight hours is slow.

I have also realized that she messed up a sequence of changes. Ugh!

Right now, my panic attack symptoms are minimal. It's the case because I am writing about them here and the onus is on her when things aren't right.

I never expected getting a panic attack over this change. Weird. I'm sure that it'll disappear once her work is over.

Healing and reading my book on healing after a breakup

I managed to continue reading my book on healing after a breakup. It has been helpful.

When my ex-guy told me that he wanted to end our relationship this past May, I went through a mild panic attack. When I told him the following day, he asked whether I should see a doctor to get medication. I told him that it's sorting out my feelings about losing someone that I love and that popping pills wasn't the first thing that I needed to do.

I know how I handle this type of panic attack. It's a question of knowing that I will be okay without him and that I will find happiness with someone down the road that makes the panic attack go away.

I was right. With time and the right frame of mind, I don't experience this mild panic anymore.

However, I still have moments of sadness. According to the book, it's normal. I knew that, too. It's nice to get confirmation that I'm doing just fine as I continue healing.

Foot and muscle pain sucks when you want to sleep

Now and again, I get muscle spasms in my right foot. It was pretty bad last night. I woke up at nearly 4 am to pain.

I can't recall how many ibuprofen pills I managed to take. It was strange, but I had a mini panic attack. My bedroom was getting hot, mainly because of my tossing and turning in bed along with the heating kicking in. I had to drink some water and eat a protein bar to ease things for me. I also took long breaths, which helped.

I didn't go back to bed, but I had a conference call at 7 am. I said hi at the beginning and actually fell asleep for nearly two hours. Hopefully, I wasn't called upon to say anything. This meeting call ended up being just under four hours.

Part of me wanted to call in sick. However, I took it easy working from home, as the muscle pain lasted all day, with it dying off right about now.

Some days are rough. Here's hoping that tomorrow will be much better.