Happy International Women's Day!

Happy International Women's Day! 

Years ago, when I was working for a company that got acquired by my current employer, I had to prepare release notes for every software delivery. They were done in an Excel spreadsheet.

One word: ugh!

Excel wasn't the right format for telling people about changes and fixes within software. Crunching numbers or making calculations with formulas? Yes. Paragraphs of text? No.

The manager who dealt with customers and shared this spreadsheet decided to change it without telling me. He went into our shared repository, checked it out, and changed the tabs such that the latest release was the last tab. The first tab that you saw in Excel was a release from eons ago.

I was annoyed. As the writer, I owned this document. Not this manager.
I undid his changes. Customers wanted the first tab to be the latest. I slapped a password on my spreadsheet. 

He noticed this password protection and wanted it removed. I said no.
A couple of years later, my current manager and I reminisced about this manager who had just retired. We ended up talking about this incident, with both of us hearing each other's side of the story.

After I had shared my experience, my manager said that this guy had approached him and said, "Control her."

This remark was news to me.

My manager said that I was doing great. He concurred with me. He didn't need to intervene. I had his support.

My manager is far from being perfect. He has flaws like all of us. On the whole, he has always been supportive. It showed here with a ridiculous, archaic, boys' school remark.

Today is an important day for women. Do you. Shine when you have a strong point to make. Be yourself.

As a man, support women. Be an ally. You'll do a world of good.
Of note, I ultimately ditched the Excel spreadsheet. I moved our release notes to Word, followed by our current authoring tool. Our team no longer handles release notes directly, but I handled the transition to the current person who writes them.

As women, we have come a long way. However, there's plenty more to do. Don't stop. Be your best.

A colleague saying hi and sending a virtual hug

On Friday, a colleague whom I haven't chatted with for a few months pinged me on Teams. She said hi, wanted to know that I was good, and sent me a hug from afar. It was so sweet of her.

On the whole, our working relationship has been decent. I've been at this company for nearly eleven years and she was there when I started.

We had some rough waters when she transitioned from a quality assurance team lead to a program manager on my team. She was so stressed out that she took some of that out on me and I wouldn't have it.

Eventually, another colleague took over my role on those two teams as I moved over to reviewing everyone's work on our writing team. When this colleague resigned, I had to step back in and complete the work that she hadn't done. That's when the program manager realized how valuable my contributions were and our working relationship went back to what it was before. I completed everything that the previous person had left behind and the program manager was thankful.

Late last year, she was involved in a serious car crash. My manager let me know about it because he knew that we had worked closely together. I sent her e-mails of encouragement and let her know that I was pulling for her.

It's great when you have a lovely chat with someone on a Friday afternoon. She is doing much better these days, which is wonderful news.

The ex-guy strikes a text conversation

A few posts ago, I wrote about my ex-guy sending me a short e-mail after realizing that I had not sent him any birthday greetings this year. He had included a picture of two purple birds. Purple is my favourite colour. I read that the two birds represented us.

Well, unfortunately, I was correct.

When I was writing yesterday's blog post, he texted me. I fought through putting that post up, as I was upset.

Ever since he has broken up with me, I have not shed a tear over him. I cried on and off yesterday. The hurt and painful feelings came flooding back.

I had not replied to the birds e-mail. Last night, he texted me and asked whether I was ever going to write back to him. In my head, since he ended our relationship, my first thought to that question hasn't changed. I told him that he broke my heart. I had nothing to say to him.

He wanted to chat over the phone or meet. I said that I wasn't interested in the former and that I needed to practise physical distancing from COVID-19.

The annoying part of this text message exchange was that this jerk decided to negotiate terms of a relationship with him. What? He said that it would be the same, except that we'd take out hotel stays and trips together.

I told him off. He claimed that he misses me and the fun times that we used to have. If he truly wanted me back, I would expect him to not take away aspects of our relationship that we once enjoyed as a couple.

I got a number of points off my chest:

• I wasn't interested in talking to someone who broke my heart and has caused me so much sadness
• I let him know that he treated me like dirt and that his needs have always superseded mine
• I pointed out that his conditions and restrictions cited in this new set of relationship terms was nonsense and stupid
• I had no problem telling him that if he had a heart, he'd understand that he was upsetting me by contacting me
• I stated that I wasn't going to settle for these stupid relationship terms
• I dictate the terms -- he doesn't
• I didn't want to talk to him because things aren't the same between us

Yeah, it's sad that he ruined the start of my long Easter weekend. Although I am intermittently sad right now, I am proud that I stood my ground. I'm stronger than I realized.

In the meantime, I am listening to a lot of music to make me feel better.

Travel and friendship

I am all packed. I always feel like I have forgotten to pack something, though.

I am thrilled that I get to see a friend during this trip. I haven't seen her in a decade. I felt bad that I have not in touch with her as often as I would like.

It's good that she understands me. It's nice that our friendship remains strong and intact for nearly two decades!

Healing and reading my book on healing after a breakup

I managed to continue reading my book on healing after a breakup. It has been helpful.

When my ex-guy told me that he wanted to end our relationship this past May, I went through a mild panic attack. When I told him the following day, he asked whether I should see a doctor to get medication. I told him that it's sorting out my feelings about losing someone that I love and that popping pills wasn't the first thing that I needed to do.

I know how I handle this type of panic attack. It's a question of knowing that I will be okay without him and that I will find happiness with someone down the road that makes the panic attack go away.

I was right. With time and the right frame of mind, I don't experience this mild panic anymore.

However, I still have moments of sadness. According to the book, it's normal. I knew that, too. It's nice to get confirmation that I'm doing just fine as I continue healing.

Robyn and pushy, drunk idiots

The other night, I went to see Robyn. It was a general admission concert.

I didn't realize that I had purchased a VIP ticket. I got early access into the venue to get a decent standing spot. I also got a commemorative bucket hat and laminated concert badge.

I got to the venue at 17:30. I was standing until 23:00, with a couple of bathroom breaks. My legs were not functioning well after the show. They felt like Jello.

For the most part, I am not a huge fan of general admission tickets. I'd sooner have a seat. You can dance and then take a break. I also like not spending most of the night up against other people.

Robyn was wonderful. She's a dynamic performer who sounds amazing. I had a wonderful time seeing her.

She is also incredibly strong. She started her career doing bubblegum-type music. She didn't want to fit in that mould and decided to break free. She has had her own say in her music ever since.

The downside to this concert was guys who ended up pushing and poking into me. It's one thing to brush someone by accident. When there are guys bumping into me often, I will push back. Sure, they are drunk, but it's pretty rude.

My legs are still sore from dancing and standing on my feet for over five hours. Thank goodness I don't go to such concerts often.

Back from vacation with memories of playful spankings and cuddles

Both my guy and I are back home. We had a wonderful time together. I am frankly sad that my vacation is over.

It was nice seeing him after work for just over a week. We went out for dinner. We also ordered in when he was exhausted.

Our hotel felt like our home away from home. We watched movies and made popcorn. I helped him wake up. We hugged and kissed just before he went to work. We did the same when we came back to our hotel room.

Moments after I entered our hotel room for the first time, we sat down on the couch and cuddled. I liked when he playfully spanked and tickled me. He felt my left bicep and we had this conversation.

"You are a strong woman," he said, squeezing my bicep.
"Thanks, sweetie. You're strong, too," I replied.
"Your arms are so strong," he said, marvelling my biceps as he held me.

I like when we are playful and loving. I enjoy when he playfully spanks me, which is a precursor to future spankings.

Family Day

It's Family Day in my province today. It's a day to spend with family and friends.

I'll be taking today off to reflect on how fortunate I am to still have my parents. I have supportive friends. I also have a loving boyfriend, my guy.

We both marvel at our relationship and how it continues to grow year after year. We have bumps here and there, but we are stronger than ever.

Enjoy your day!

Manage and spank me

I get along well with my manager. He revealed an interesting tidbit of information over lunch on Friday.

A few years ago, there was a manager who was in charge of technical support. He apparently had a conversation with my boss. He told him, "You need to manage Cutiebootie."

It's funny. He never mentioned anything to me until now. This support manager left the company around three years ago.

Several years ago, this manager told me to change a set of tabs in a spreadsheet. He wanted the most current tab at the end. I indicated that it didn't make sense. The most current tab should be at the front. He was adamant that he was right.

What did I do? I gave him an updated spreadsheet with his changes. After that, I flipped it back to having the most current tab at the beginning. I proceeded to slap on a password on this spreadsheet. It was evident that he wanted access to this file. It was also obvious that he didn't know how to use Excel, for I had to do a ton of work to restore it.

I owned this spreadsheet. This manager did not.

I pointed out this episode with my manager, who wasn't my boss back there.

"That doesn't make sense to have that current tab at the front," he agreed.
"I know. He probably wasn't thrilled that I shunned him out of the spreadsheet," I admitted.
"He was afraid of you and didn't know how to approach you. So, he talked to me," he revealed.
"Did you say anything to him?" I asked.
"Nope. He asked me to manage you. I didn't say anything. You were doing a fantastic job. I didn't need to say anything," he said.

I like who I was back then, standing up for what I believe was best for both the customer getting this spreadsheet and for me. Luckily, I haven't changed.

I told my guy this story. He found it amusing that this manager was intimidated by me.

"I wonder what would happen if you were my manager and I locked you out of this spreadsheet," I pondered.
"I think you know what would happen to that cute butt of yours," he smirked.
"I'd enjoy the consequences, I'm sure," I noted.
"I liked the offices back in the old office place. I would call you into my office, close the door, bend you over the desk, and spank you hard for being such a bad girl," he replied.

He's sweet. I miss those offices, too.

Six years - reminiscing

It has been six years since my guy and I started chatting on Skype. We started with texts, followed by Skype calls. We then became an item roughly a month later.

I did some reminiscing by looking at some of the things that we said to each other. He still loves my smile. I still love his sense of humour.

As far as personalities go, we haven't changed. We have grown into strong, whole people. Our love has blossomed and we continue to learn from each other.

Time certainly flies, especially when things feel right.

B is for being me #AtoZchallenge

I have a unique relationship with my manager. We have a respectful employee-manager work relationship. It has also developed into a friendship, which still feels new to me.

Last Thursday, I had my performance review for 2016. Don't ask why it came so late. My company is messed up that way.

When it came down to what I could do to improve, my manager polled a rather toxic individual who naturally gave negative feedback. He hinted that both he and I dislike this person.

I flat out told him how I felt. This person seems to always have something negative to say about me and cannot back up her comments with factual information. She is highly toxic and is probably acting this way because I seem to be a threat to her. I ended saying that I would take her statement with a grain of salt, as she doesn't even know me.

I never asked why my manager asked this individual for feedback. We don't work closely with each other. After saying my two cents, he nodded in agreement.

My performance review was positive. My manager confided in me. He said that there are two writers whom he can count on to meet deadlines and get our work done. I am one of them, which is a nice compliment. The other compliment was that I was the only one on the team who received a comment saying that my work is of high quality.

The younger me would have been upset over the toxic woman's negative remarks. The person writing this blog post now is not. I am pleased with my performance at work. I balance the workload of at least two writers. These days, it seems like three. I will not let one idiot's negative remarks with no factual information to back her accusations up dampen my spirit.

I like who I am and how far I have come. It's good to grow.

Passing of my guy's mom

My guy's mom has passed away. He flew home yesterday for her funeral.

It is unfortunate that she passed just before the holidays. However, my guy saw her less than two weeks ago, so he is grateful for spending a week with her.

My guy is holding up under the circumstances. He is a wonderfully strong person who appreciates leaning on me when he needs to.

The other side of the coin - consent is missing

Every story has different perspectives. A few days ago, we got radio and TV host's Jian Ghomeshi's take on why he believes he was fired from the CBC. I provided my thoughts about it, if it was indeed the case that he was unfairly let go because he likes consensual "rough sex" behind closed doors.

Well, the other side of this case is that eight women have indicated that they were beaten by Ghomeshi, without any consent whatsoever. Canadian television actor Lucy DeCoutere shared her story of having her hair pulled back hard by Ghomeshi and being slapped with a decent amount of force on the side of her head by him.

There wasn't any warning. No consent. It just happened.

So wrong.

No woman deserves that kind of treatment from a man. The fact that eight women have come forward, indicating similar abuse, is convincing support that Ghomeshi does not respect women as much as we'd like to believe.

I am sure that the story will continue to unravel. It is simply a sad story all around.

I hope that all these women are doing okay. Perhaps CBC did do the right thing by letting Ghomeshi go. His image is becoming more tainted, painting him as a monster than a respectable, intelligent on-air host.

Wrist ball

I am the proud owner of this wrist ball that you can get at The Source here in Canada:

It is supposed to make your wrist stronger. I got it to prevent any carpal tunnel syndrome from spanking the hubby hard and often. It works for me.

I'll write more about his birthday spanking soon. Mine is in less than a week. I'm looking forward to it.