It's my birthday!

It's my birthday. My second pandemic birthday.

I love the person that I have become. I continue to shape who I am as I navigate through life.

Here's to more years ahead.

Dinner with a friend and tons of laughter

On Friday night, I had dinner with a friend who used to be my intern. I hadn't seen her since April.

It was fun reminiscing, catching up, and just having a good time with great company. We laughed a lot, to the point where our tummies were aching by the end of the evening.

I haven't laughed that much in ages. It was much needed. I still have my sad moments about being heartbroken. However, I am simply fortunate to have friends who care about me.

Sick, missing, and tired

I am still sick. I will likely take a sick day from work today. Currently, my nose is stuffed up, I'm tired, and I have a slight cough.

Being sick makes me think more about my guy breaking up with me. I miss what we had. I don't miss being hurt, as I'm already there.

He just sent me a video to watch. In his own way, he misses me. It makes me even more upset that he is perfectly fine carrying on. I can't do that. I need time to grieve. He isn't in tune with his emotions as much as I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Although I have moments of sadness, I cannot sob in despair like I did the two previous times that he broke up with me. It's that inner strength this time that demands being treated better. It is his loss. I simply need to move on. It will happen with time.

I took naps throughout the day on Sunday. I felt better after each nap, but I am tired. I believe that I have earned a sick day to shake this cold off and heal from this breakup.

Coming down with a cold, having fond memories, and seeing a movie

The good news is that the workweek is over. My team got our software release work done ahead of schedule.

The bad news? I feel like I'm coming down with a cold. My nose is running and stuffy. I also have a slight sore throat. Ugh!

I took a nap for nearly an hour. It happened two hours ago. It's not a normal thing for me. I am hoping that some extra hours of sleep will kick my cold to the curb.

Now that things are less hectic, my guy not being the love of my life anymore has set in. I think of the fond memories that we have shared, but am also annoyed at how he decided to call it quits. I truly deserved a lot better.

I am hoping to go see a movie later on today. I have amassed a ton of points that it's time to splurge. I also have a movie gift card to use. I need some time for me and perhaps a hot dog.

Stronger - then and now

When Kelly Clarkson's song, Stronger, came out back in 2011, it became my anthem on multiple levels.

I was dealing with a colleague who was incompetent. It seems to still be the trend at my workplace these days. This guy was originally my manager. He had issues doing his job. Sleeping on the job will do that. Eventually, he made enemies with everyone, including me, and decided to leave the company.

I was going a back issue during this ordeal. I ended up getting back surgery to remove a disk that was causing a ton of numbness and pressure down my right leg. My guy and I became a couple just before I had surgery. Stronger became my song to get better and be my best self.

Frankly, I stopped tearing up a week ago. I was driving home from work and Stronger came on the radio. The lyrics hit me. It's okay to be sleep alone. The bed does feel warmer. It doesn't mean that I am over because you're gone.

It's trying to find the person that I was before the relationship. I have found her. I am hopefully wiser after this relationship, but I am strong and I will be okay.

In a past post, I had mentioned that I deserve better. I do, both in a romantic relationship and in a friendship. I am perfectly fine walking away from my friendship with him. I don't need to deal with his indecisiveness.

Last Friday, we had lunch together. There were a couple of hints that he still has feelings for me, but I didn't act on them.

"I have always loved your purple nail polish," he said.
"It's not the same colour. The one that you are referring to is long gone. I used the bottle up," I replied.

As we walked out of the restaurant, he touched my lower back. He hasn't done that in ages. I am thinking that it is habit more than anything.

When we got to the office, I simply said, "See you whenever," and walked away. It's exactly how I feel. I am not waiting for you. I don't want us to get back together. It's over. I am moving on and seeking someone who loves and respects me.

As for diving into a relationship, I'm not ready yet. I am going to enjoy some time to myself. If something happens, I'll figure it out then. Right now, I can't handle being in a relationship.

The breakup - for the third and likely final time

It has been well over a week. I needed some time to think about what had happened. The problem is that I have been pretty active and busy that I haven't had a chance to grieve.

My guy decided to call it quits. Quits means romantically. He wants to remain friends.

We have been together for years. For me, the withdrawal symptoms of not being affectionate towards someone have been tough.

I am oddly taking this breakup well. In the past, when he previously broke my heart twice, I was devastated each time. I sobbed and cried.

This one still hurts. I tear up now and again. I haven't gone into full-fledge sobbing or a good cry, though. Perhaps he has changed. Perhaps I have, too.

I am more active now than I was the last two times that he broke my heart. I go out of various meetups. I am working on blog posts here and my side projects. Work has kept me busy.

I am only sad at night when I am not on the move. I sit on my bed, look at my purple sheep named Woolly, and go back to the exact moment when my guy gave Woolly to me.

I don't have that feeling of getting rid of all his stuff. I hug my purple plush sheep and I'm good. He is always smiling back at me.

In the past, I had to sever any relationship after we broke up. Part of me still wants to, as it has aleays been easier for me to heal. There were recent periods when I would say hi in a text message to him and I wouldn't get a thing. He would not communicate with me for weeks. I knew that something was up.

I said to him that if we were to be friends, I need better communication. Otherwise, I am perfectly find saying goodbye to him forever. He said that it wouldn't happen. In this regard, as much as he is my best friend, he actually needs my friendship more than I do of his. I will give it a shot. If I hate what we have, I will walk away. I have no regrets.

He didn't break up with me because he found someone new. He just has other side projects going on that love and sex have taken a backseat. I have always been accommodating to his needs. For me, I know that I deserve better. I am willing to find it with someone out there when I am ready.

In the meantime, I look forward to spending time with a good friend this weekend. Work is driving me crazy. My guy and I have had lunch a handful of times over the last 1.5 weeks. We have been good.

He asked me if I wanted a hug last Friday. We hugged. I needed it. It felt different, but it felt comforting.

Kelly Clarkson's song, Stronger, got me out of moments of sadness earlier this week. I will explain more in another post.

I am okay. It is a life shift. I'm not even sure if I can call him my guy here. I will probably need to think of a better name.

My barista and Stronger

I have a cheerful story to share. It happened to me on Monday evening. I will back up a bit.

On Saturday, I visited my local cafe. I went through the drive-thru and chatted with one barista who has always been kind to me. I asked whether he had the weekend off. He did, except that he was representing this cafe in a barista competition. Wow! He is the best in this city. I was impressed!

I wished him good luck. He suggested that I follow this cafe on Instagram. I did.

I found out late on Sunday night that this barista won the entire competition! I was so happy and proud of him.

On Monday evening, I went through the drive-thru of this cafe to pick up my beverage and he was there.

"Congratulations!" I exclaimed, which made him happy.
"Thank you so much!" he said, humbly.
"Hey, she found out pretty fast," said his colleague.

We had a decent chat about his experience. I am so happy that he got such a well-deserved award. I am glad that I deal with the best.

As for me, Monday was a crazy day at work, which led to my forgetting to attend a dinner. I thought that it was on Tuesday. Oops! Instead, I got a hot dog from Costco and a chocolate sundae from McDonald's.

I am more upbeat today, thanks to listening to Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger." I will elaborate more on what has happened over the past week shortly.