Happy 2026! Thoughts and dry eye

Happy 2026! I hope that your year has started off well.

Where I am, we had a record snowstorm on Sunday. Toronto Pearson International Airport got 46 cm of snow. Those closest to Lake Ontario got 60 cm, including my old neighbourhood of the Beaches.

I live in the suburbs. I got a lot of snow. I don't think it was 60 cm. It was a lot.

Last year wasn't the best. I ended up with a stomach ulcer, which required some medication, yogurt, probiotics, and Gravol. The medication made me gag, which explains the Gravol. Since then, I do feel like I gag more when I see something that triggers that feeling.

Weird.

I keep on saying that I have a lot to say. I truly do. I have a lot to post about my mom's recovery from her broken arm and my difficult relationship with my dad.

I will start off with December and work my way backwards in 2025.

I get my eyes examined every two years in December. Earlier in the year, I noticed that my eyes were getting dry wearing contacts. My eyes felt gritty and I'd often take my contact lenses out.

For most of 2025, I wore my glasses instead. My eyeballs felt better. I'd be putting in eye drops whenever I needed them.

My eye doctor said that my eyes were in great shape and that my prescription hadn't changed. She did notice that the pores were clogged under my eyelids by natural oils. It explains my dry eye.

She recommended putting warm compresses over my eyelids to melt the oils. I did that by heating up a mask in the microwave. It felt great over my eyelids, but the heat would die down after ten minutes.

I bought a plug-in eye mask instead for more consistent heat. I use it every day over my eyelids for twenty minutes. It's me time. I like how relaxing the heat is.

I feel that this eye mask procedure has helped. I wore contacts lenses for the first time in months last week. I had them on for three hours. They were comfortable. I didn't feel any grit. 

I haven't tried wearing them to work. Baby steps. I'll probably wear them this Saturday when I run errands for a few hours and see how I feel.

I still use eye drops. I lubricate my eyeballs twice a day. It has been easy. I have eye drops in the washroom. I remember applying them after washing my face in the morning.

Just before bed, I apply eye drops before I fall asleep.

Time to use my eye mask. I'll try writing another post before January is over. I need to ease into writing more regularly again.

Feeling better, but my congestion is difficult to predict

I am on the mend. My congestion seems to be up and down, though. Yesterday, I was breathing well for most of the day. It seems to get worse at night, a few hours before I'm ready to call it a day and sleep.

Today, my congestion was different. I felt great until late afternoon. I do have a decongestant in spray form, which has worked wonders. I am breathing well right now.

I still have a cough, but it's mild. Today, I went to get a backup bottle of Pei Pa Koa, a Chinese cough and throat syrup. Oddly, it's sold out at my usual stores. However, I can get it online through Amazon.

We live in such a weird world. Cough and cold medication is scarce in my area thanks to kids getting sick and the supply can't catch up with the demand.

Here's hoping that things get better.

My aunt's passing with a ton of thoughts

On the weekend, my dad got word that his youngest sister, my aunt, had passed away. He has handled her death well. I think our entire family has under the circumstances.

Her funeral was on Wednesday. He attended it. I stayed with my mom at my parents' place. I'm glad that we did this setup. My dad had left food in a microwavable container for my mom to heat up. She never did until I was hungry and went to make some lunch. I noticed that the food remained untouched.

My mom is getting old. Her memory isn't great. I have a feeling that it's affecting her judgment, including heating up food. I did it for her, so she was good.

Families can be dysfunctional. Mine is no different. It has been interesting mourning someone who has not been a huge presence in my life.

When my dad and mom got married, my grandmother (my dad's mom) did not welcome my mom with open arms. There was a coldness and perhaps a distain for my mom. We don't know why.

Because my mom was not liked by her mother-in-law, my dad's two sisters also adopted the same coldness or distain for my mom. I look at that behaviour to be juvenile and ridiculous.

My aunt who passed away was the nicer of the two aunts. Her family (husband and four children) lived a block away from us growing up in Toronto. I recall occasionally getting together with them. My mom said that her children didn't treat me well. Apparently, they liked hitting me over the head. I have no recollection of that action. I ended up being far taller and larger than my cousins, so that nonsense likely stopped quickly.

My mom had to go into the hospital for surgery when I was ten. My aunt came over to babysit while my dad was with her to visit. I came on weekends. My aunt was fine. I remember her asking why I didn't cover my feet with my comforter when I was in bed. I have never done that. I always sleep with my feet poking out of it.

Her questions, like that one, had a tinge of judgment and slight disapproval. It happened a few years later when I was at the drugstore counting my money to buy something. She approached me and made a judgmental comment about the purchase that I was going to make. I ignored it and completed this purchase.

When my grandmother passed away, I flew into Toronto from Winnipeg to pay my respects. Despite knowing that she did not treat my mom nicely and that she wasn't exactly warm to me (she never truly addressed me by my real Chinese name whenever we got together), I felt the need to say goodbye. I put all her uncalled-for grudges against my mom aside to say goodbye to her.

After the funeral and burial, we had lunch at a restaurant. My aunt came over and asked why I was so sad. It was an odd way to start a conversation by making such a remark. It felt like a judgmental statement. Why not start by saying hi? I shot back that we were here for a funeral. It's not like I should be tearing up the dance floor to celebrate her death.

I'm thinking that it's the way that my dad and his siblings grew up. They can't seem to handle communicating with people and it comes out wrong. I have seen my dad do that when conversing, but it's never as horrible as what comes out of his sisters' mouths.

It occurred to me that my dad received more education (a few years) than my aunts. I feel that the lack of education plays a part, too.

Twenty years ago, my aunt and her family moved from Toronto to some city in Malaysia. She passed away in Malaysia a month ago.

She wanted to be buried next to her mom in Toronto. It took a month for her body to be flown back here.

My dad made the remark that his sister and family "must be loaded" to fly her back to her final ressting place. True. However, I'm glad that my parents and I aren't impressed or motivated by wealth.

We aren't rich. We aren't poor. We're content with what we have.

At my grandmother's funeral, when an older cousin asked what I did for a living, he got excited when he learned that I was in IT and worked for IBM. He then started to pay more attention to me and talk to me. I didn't like that at all.

The other thing was that I could speak Cantonese. My cousins on my dad's side (they are my other aunt's children) seemed both surprised envious because they couldn't. When I explained that I took Cantonese all through high school, it silenced them.

It helps to not be judgmental. I didn't really care what they thought about me. Never did. I still don't. 

I like how I have turned out. How my parents have raised me to be a good person because they are.

So, I am at peace with my late aunt. I hope that she rests easy. I am glad that she is reunited with her mom after two decades being apart.

My mom fell and is on the mend

On Friday morning, at around 6:30 am, my dad called me to say that my mom had fallen down at home. He needed my help to lift her off the floor.

I sleep with earbuds on. Luckily, I also sleep with my hybrid smartwatch on. When he called me, my wrist buzzed and that's how I knew.

I also don't live too far away. I basically went to the washroom, put on presentable clothing, and drove over to their house.

My dad and I managed to lift my mom off the floor and onto her commode. We then rolled her over to the washroom.

She got up to go to the washroom. We have been trying to figure out what happened. She likely lost her footing, slipped, and fell.

She ended up with a bump on her head and a sore back. I asked her whether she had hit her head on the floor or wall. She has no recollection. Maybe she banged it on her walker as she went down. 

On Saturday, she was doing much better. It was quite the scare, but I'm glad that she's on the mend.

New love - pacing it

I have been chatting with a guy online for three weeks. It has been great getting to know each other.

He told me that he is falling in love with me. That's sweet. It's nice to feel loved again. The feeling is mutual.

We are taking things slow. We are similar in that we got our hearts broken. It's a question of trusting that we can love and find love again. So far, we are doing great.

My friend is recovering well after surgery

My friend had surgery on her bowel. It got twisted, which caused her abdominal and back pain. She lives roughly two hours away from me.

I went to see her on Saturday. She is healing nicely. She was understandably tired, but in good spirits.

I have known her since we were both twelve years old. She is roughly two weeks older than I am.

Both of us never thought that we'd have surgery. I had back surgery eight years ago, almost to the day. I think she felt better when we talked about and shared our surgery experiences.

I gave her a card and a gift card. I wrote how much I appreciated her. I said that our friendship meant even more now.

She thanked me several times for coming. It was the least that I could do. The drive wasn't anything. I was thankful that I could brighten her day as she continues to recovery.

It was good seeing her. I hope to check up on her again soon.

Quick update

My friend is healing nicely after her surgery. I was hoping to write about everything, but I'm tired and there is a lot to process.

I am thrilled that she's okay.

The breakup - for the third and likely final time

It has been well over a week. I needed some time to think about what had happened. The problem is that I have been pretty active and busy that I haven't had a chance to grieve.

My guy decided to call it quits. Quits means romantically. He wants to remain friends.

We have been together for years. For me, the withdrawal symptoms of not being affectionate towards someone have been tough.

I am oddly taking this breakup well. In the past, when he previously broke my heart twice, I was devastated each time. I sobbed and cried.

This one still hurts. I tear up now and again. I haven't gone into full-fledge sobbing or a good cry, though. Perhaps he has changed. Perhaps I have, too.

I am more active now than I was the last two times that he broke my heart. I go out of various meetups. I am working on blog posts here and my side projects. Work has kept me busy.

I am only sad at night when I am not on the move. I sit on my bed, look at my purple sheep named Woolly, and go back to the exact moment when my guy gave Woolly to me.

I don't have that feeling of getting rid of all his stuff. I hug my purple plush sheep and I'm good. He is always smiling back at me.

In the past, I had to sever any relationship after we broke up. Part of me still wants to, as it has aleays been easier for me to heal. There were recent periods when I would say hi in a text message to him and I wouldn't get a thing. He would not communicate with me for weeks. I knew that something was up.

I said to him that if we were to be friends, I need better communication. Otherwise, I am perfectly find saying goodbye to him forever. He said that it wouldn't happen. In this regard, as much as he is my best friend, he actually needs my friendship more than I do of his. I will give it a shot. If I hate what we have, I will walk away. I have no regrets.

He didn't break up with me because he found someone new. He just has other side projects going on that love and sex have taken a backseat. I have always been accommodating to his needs. For me, I know that I deserve better. I am willing to find it with someone out there when I am ready.

In the meantime, I look forward to spending time with a good friend this weekend. Work is driving me crazy. My guy and I have had lunch a handful of times over the last 1.5 weeks. We have been good.

He asked me if I wanted a hug last Friday. We hugged. I needed it. It felt different, but it felt comforting.

Kelly Clarkson's song, Stronger, got me out of moments of sadness earlier this week. I will explain more in another post.

I am okay. It is a life shift. I'm not even sure if I can call him my guy here. I will probably need to think of a better name.

Honesty about anxiety and depression at work

I had a decent talk with my newest addition to my team. One of my students and I were training her on Monday. At the end of the session, what I didn't expect was this woman sharing that she has been depressed and anxious for two years.

It hit home for me. I have been there. So has my guy.

The good news is that she is on medication, which has put her back on track. She feels good. It shows. She is funnier during our team meetings.

I was impressed that she trusted us to share what she has been going through. Add to that mix the fact that her past two team leads have said negative things about her with little justification and my manager asking her to submit weekly reports (she is the only person on our entire team doing this task) can add to that depression and anxiety.

I thanked her for sharing all this information. I told her that I'm happy that she is on my team. She seemed to be absorbing the information well. She also asked thoughtful, intelligent questions today. She has potential. It probably hasn't been noticed by others.

I'm optimistic. I let her know to leave the baggage and negative past work experiences behind her. We are working with a clean slate now. She appreciated it.

Dealing with a cough with lemon

My cold has developed in a cough with some mucous. How charming!

Tonight, I visited a tea place and got an iced lemon green tea. This place is generous with the lemon ratio. I also got tapioca in it for free.

I felt much better drinking it. I generally have a hot lemon drink in the morning. It seems that I need to overdose on the lemon these days.

Text messages to quick make the day better

It's almost instinctual these days that when I miss my guy, he will send me a pick-me-up message. It's just gut instinct.

He sent me a quick text message. He hoped that my eye is getting better and that I'm still enjoying the pics that he finally sent me after nearly two years since I had taken them on his phone.

The good news is that my left eye is back to normal. My rash on my wrist is still there, but the hydrocortisone cream that I apply on it seems to be helping.

I can also tell that it's a mutual vibe. He sends me texts more often when he misses me, too. It's nice.