Thursday, June 06, 2019

The breakup - for the third and likely final time

It has been well over a week. I needed some time to think about what had happened. The problem is that I have been pretty active and busy that I haven't had a chance to grieve.

My guy decided to call it quits. Quits means romantically. He wants to remain friends.

We have been together for years. For me, the withdrawal symptoms of not being affectionate towards someone have been tough.

I am oddly taking this breakup well. In the past, when he previously broke my heart twice, I was devastated each time. I sobbed and cried.

This one still hurts. I tear up now and again. I haven't gone into full-fledge sobbing or a good cry, though. Perhaps he has changed. Perhaps I have, too.

I am more active now than I was the last two times that he broke my heart. I go out of various meetups. I am working on blog posts here and my side projects. Work has kept me busy.

I am only sad at night when I am not on the move. I sit on my bed, look at my purple sheep named Woolly, and go back to the exact moment when my guy gave Woolly to me.

I don't have that feeling of getting rid of all his stuff. I hug my purple plush sheep and I'm good. He is always smiling back at me.

In the past, I had to sever any relationship after we broke up. Part of me still wants to, as it has aleays been easier for me to heal. There were recent periods when I would say hi in a text message to him and I wouldn't get a thing. He would not communicate with me for weeks. I knew that something was up.

I said to him that if we were to be friends, I need better communication. Otherwise, I am perfectly find saying goodbye to him forever. He said that it wouldn't happen. In this regard, as much as he is my best friend, he actually needs my friendship more than I do of his. I will give it a shot. If I hate what we have, I will walk away. I have no regrets.

He didn't break up with me because he found someone new. He just has other side projects going on that love and sex have taken a backseat. I have always been accommodating to his needs. For me, I know that I deserve better. I am willing to find it with someone out there when I am ready.

In the meantime, I look forward to spending time with a good friend this weekend. Work is driving me crazy. My guy and I have had lunch a handful of times over the last 1.5 weeks. We have been good.

He asked me if I wanted a hug last Friday. We hugged. I needed it. It felt different, but it felt comforting.

Kelly Clarkson's song, Stronger, got me out of moments of sadness earlier this week. I will explain more in another post.

I am okay. It is a life shift. I'm not even sure if I can call him my guy here. I will probably need to think of a better name.


  1. aw crap - i'm sorry. i know the feeling. and i hate it every single time. it sounds like you're looking at things positively tho. that's good. if you need to email a stranger, you know where to find me.

    1. Thanks, Fondles. It means a lot that I can reach out to you if I need to. So far, I'm doing well. I just need some time for myself, which is helping.

  2. Cutiebootie:

    It is a hard time for you; been there, done that, more than once. But you are an intelligent and vivacious girl with a lot to offer to the RIGHT man. So, dry your eyes, put on a smile, and get yourself in circulation!! Believe me little girl, you have a lot to offer, and some lucky male will snatch you up like the treasure you are!!


    1. Thanks for your kind words of encouragement, Rick. I do deserve having the right man in my life. I deserve far better than how I was treated. I appreciate the reminder. I need time for me before I plunge into the dating world. I am sure there is a decent guy out there for me.