A couple means three to my local Starbucks barista

I am a regular at Starbucks. I don't drink coffee, though. I am there for tea and the occasional bakery item.

I decided to grab an iced green tea before I headed off to work. I ordered through the mobile app, which has been wonderful. I often get iced green tea without the lemonade. For some reason, at Canadian Starbucks locations, most baristas think that I want lemonade when I say that I want iced green tea. Um, no. Ordering through the mobile app has resolved this issue.

On Thursday, I felt like getting a donut. I don't eat donuts often. I used to do rotating shift work and we ate tons of them. I got sick of them. These days, if I eat a few in a year, I'm laughing. So, I ordered a donut on my app.

Two orders. Two items.

I headed over to my local Starbucks. It has a drive-thru. It's roughly a five-minute drive away from home.

"Hello, what can I get started for you?" asked the male barista.
"Hello. I am picking up a couple of orders for Cutiebootie," I said to the speakerbox.
"Through mobile order?" he asked me.
"Yes," I replied, puzzled that there is perhaps another ordering method before you arrive.
"Three orders?" he said in the form of a question.
"No, a couple means two. I have two items."

It amazes me that there are folks out there who do not know what a couple means. You guys make a lovely couple. There are two of you in a romantic relationship. If there were more, you'd have a threesome or a more-some.

I drove over to the window. Wait, it gets worse...

"Here are your three items," he said to me as he handed them over. "Your drink, your donut, and your straw."
"I still ordered two items," I replied.
"The straw made me think that it was three items," he explained.
"Okay. That's not what I had in mind."

So, when I order an iced green tea, I am actually ordering the straw as an item.

If I ordered a grande mint majesty tea, I can be potentially ordering a multitude of items:

• Teabag
• Honey
• Sugar
• Milk
• Stir stick
• Paper cup
• Cup lid
• Hot water
• Napkin

When I order a grande tea, I am not ordering a single item. Oh, not at all. I am essentially ordering nine items. Wow, I get so much for so little. Incredible. NOT!