More thoughts from my friend's funeral

My friend organized her entire funeral. We are similar in that we are natural planners. She wasn't a control freak. She simply wanted to take care of it without burdening others. It was just who she was.

She made sure that everyone had a bagged lunch after the service. It made me smile. It was so her.

She left a voice message to all of us. She said that we were her miracle. Her daughter let out a sob. I lost it there as tears trickled down my face. It felt good hearing her voice.

She chose the music that was played. I have the list, which is now a part of my playlist and will always remind me of her.

At the end, Amazing Grace was played. The Mayo Clinic managed to record her heartbeat. Her heartbeat was then used as the beat for the song, which had guitar as the melody. It was unique and I felt connected to her -- as if she were saying to everyone that they would be okay.

I managed to grieve at her streamed funeral. I felt a lot better today. It was a lovely service celebrating her life. She somehow managed to reassure us that things were going to be okay. I am healing one day at a time.

Trying a conference number out and removing a favourite from my phone contacts

On Monday, I was testing out calling my company's teleconference phone number. It's interesting that it only accepts phone numbers that aren't blocked. I decided to test blocking my number and the call disconnected immediately. Interesting!

I normally do conference calls through wifi. However, when I am working from home, the network connection isn't great. I have a meeting later on today, so I tried doing something different.

I don't call folks all that often. I opened my phone app and noticed that my ex-guy is still flagged as a favourite. I wasn't expecting to tear up, but I did. Tearing up was needed.

I loved him. It's sad that he ended our relationship.

After briefly tearing up, I removed him as a favourite. It was difficult. I did it, though. It's another small step towards healing.

Sadness at night

I have moments of sadness. They typically happen in bed at night.

Last night was rough. I was sad about how my ex-guy had let me go. We shared so much and everything just ended.

Poof. Just like that.

It's unfortunate that I am a sensitive, feely person. It takes me a while to sort my emotions and get over this hump. I'm not on a strict healing schedule when I need to be happy now and in a relationship. I have been good on the most part. Being busy helps. Doing what I enjoy has been therapeutic.

At night, I'm simply lying in bed. Thinking. Memories rush in. I feel sad when they are about my ex-guy.

I still haven't been able to fully cry. My eyes get teary, but they don't fall down my face. I'm not as sad as I have been in the past when he has previously broken up with me.

I know that I deserve better. I deserve to be with a good guy who loves me and wants me.

I am hopeful. I just wish that these sad moments would fade, but that will take some more time.

Condoms after making up in New Jersey

A few years ago, my guy and I were in a suburb in New Jersey for work, but for different purposes. We were both supposed to be on the same flight going to Newark, but he never made it on the plane. It was a good thing, as he decided to end our relationship before this trip.

I was miserable for a number of reasons, the main one being that he had broken up with me. It was also my time of the month and I was coming down with a cold.

Things changed when we met at the office in New Jersey. He had issues at the border, which explained why he was late. I could tell by looking into his eyes that he wanted to know that I was okay, but didn't ask in front of my writing colleagues.

The following morning, he pinged me on Skype. We chatted briefly. He wanted to see me after work. We went out for dinner, which was painful at first. He then wanted me back, said that he was sorry, and we cuddled for the rest of the night. We were a couple again.

A couple of days later, my period was over. He was so elated. We went to a Walgreens and he bought a three-pack box of condoms. It was our first time having anal sex. It wasn't as enjoyable as our most recent experience last month. However, it was memorable!

We had two condoms remaining from that box. For years, I knew that I had kept them. I simply didn't know where they went.

Well, a week ago, I found them in a drawer. They are still good. The expiration date isn't for another year.

The condoms are good, as is our relationship.