Trying a conference number out and removing a favourite from my phone contacts

On Monday, I was testing out calling my company's teleconference phone number. It's interesting that it only accepts phone numbers that aren't blocked. I decided to test blocking my number and the call disconnected immediately. Interesting!

I normally do conference calls through wifi. However, when I am working from home, the network connection isn't great. I have a meeting later on today, so I tried doing something different.

I don't call folks all that often. I opened my phone app and noticed that my ex-guy is still flagged as a favourite. I wasn't expecting to tear up, but I did. Tearing up was needed.

I loved him. It's sad that he ended our relationship.

After briefly tearing up, I removed him as a favourite. It was difficult. I did it, though. It's another small step towards healing.

Thoughts about being heartbroken

Part of me wishes that I could have a good cry over my breakup. I have yet to do it. I can barely shed a tear.

It has been an odd breakup. My heart is broken, but there is a strength that prevents me from going down any road of dispair.

I still think of him often. When I see a couple holding hands as they are walking somewhere, it reminds me of holding my ex-guy's hand. We were happy. It felt good.

I miss that feeling. I know it'll happen again with the right person. It's just not the right time to start a romantic relationship. I need to focus on me.

And, that's perfectly okay. For me, it feels right to go at my own pace.

I'm going to break your heart

Last week, on the plane going to Minneapolis, I watched a documentary called I'm Going to Break Your Heart. The documentary spotlights the relationship between Chantal Kreviazuk and Raine Maida, who have successful music careers and have been married for over twenty years.

They relationship has bumps. They are seen going to counselling. They work at their relationship, as head as it can get.

They wrote many songs together during this documentary. One of them was the title of this documentary. I lost it. I was crying on the plane.

My ex-guy broke my heart -- three times too many. We never went to counselling. Part of me wishes that we did, but he abruptly ended our relationship.

There are nights where I think of him. One part of me misses the good, fun parts of our relationship. I know that it isn't healthy to want to try it again. I do not want to be hurt by him again. I want better.

I continue to heal. It's not an easy journey. I get by one day at a time.

Birthday highlights and pedal boating coming up

My birthday was wonderful. I got to meet a friend in person after establishing an online friendship for a few years.

We had lunch together at a Vietnamese restaurant. She got me a birthday gift, which was so thoughtful of her. We walked around Chinatown. She gave me tons of suggestions and recommendations on places to go and restaurants to try out. She's great.

I took in a movie. Yesterday was great. I cried at the end. I haven't cried in a while. It felt good.

I had dinner at a Thai restaurant. The green curry that I had was fantastic.

Through my friend, I signed up for pedal boating later on today. At least I'm getting a decent workout during my vacation!

Sick day, Raptors parade, crying, and loan

I decided to take a sick day on Monday. I am still getting rid of a cold and a mild cough. I also needed time for myself. Call it a healing day.

I went out to a movie and saw John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum. I have seen every John Wick movie. This one was okay. It wasn't my favourite. If you like tons of sword-slaying and gun-shooting action, this movie is for you.

Monday was also the Toronto Raptors parade. I decided not to partake, as I would be miserable all congested with a bunch of people for hours. I watched the entire parade and other coverage on TV. I cried. It was tears of joy and pride. I also felt good that I could let out a good cry. I haven't been able to since my guy broke up with me.

One final milestone on Monday was that I paid off my loan that I have had for years. My loan account no longer exists when I log in to my bank app. I am proud of myself for paying it off. I have more flexibility to allocate what I used to pay towards my loan to paying off other debt. I also want to save again and bulk up my emergency fund.

Condoms after making up in New Jersey

A few years ago, my guy and I were in a suburb in New Jersey for work, but for different purposes. We were both supposed to be on the same flight going to Newark, but he never made it on the plane. It was a good thing, as he decided to end our relationship before this trip.

I was miserable for a number of reasons, the main one being that he had broken up with me. It was also my time of the month and I was coming down with a cold.

Things changed when we met at the office in New Jersey. He had issues at the border, which explained why he was late. I could tell by looking into his eyes that he wanted to know that I was okay, but didn't ask in front of my writing colleagues.

The following morning, he pinged me on Skype. We chatted briefly. He wanted to see me after work. We went out for dinner, which was painful at first. He then wanted me back, said that he was sorry, and we cuddled for the rest of the night. We were a couple again.

A couple of days later, my period was over. He was so elated. We went to a Walgreens and he bought a three-pack box of condoms. It was our first time having anal sex. It wasn't as enjoyable as our most recent experience last month. However, it was memorable!

We had two condoms remaining from that box. For years, I knew that I had kept them. I simply didn't know where they went.

Well, a week ago, I found them in a drawer. They are still good. The expiration date isn't for another year.

The condoms are good, as is our relationship.

F is for feeling sore and happy

This post is a continuation of my evening last night with my guy. So, I managed to cleverly use the letter f for today's challenge. Go, me!

Towards the end of our dinner, my guy said something that upset me. He then wanted to sneak in a kiss and some affection downstairs in the restaurant. By that point, I wasn't in the mood for anything. I actually wanted to leave the restaurant and go home.

My guy can be indecisive at times, which was the source of my being upset. He walked me to my car. I got my hoodie from my car's trunk. I was putting my wallet and such in my car and had bent over. My guy helped himself to groping my butt. I would normally enjoy it, but I wasn't in any mood for that.

He helped me put on my hoodie, and proceeded to wrap his arms around my waist and hug me. He then moved his hands upwards and groped my breasts twice. He moved his right hand down to my backside, groping me and whispering that we should have some quality time in the treehouse. I wasn't in the mood. He insisted. I caved.

We drove to our usual parking lot less than two minutes away. We got into my car's backseat. Unfortunately, I had some things from my trunk that I had to move to the backseat a couple of weeks ago. I had purchased a used exercise glider and had to make room for it. My guy was impressed with how much room my car has.

My guy hugged me. He wanted to get me in the mood by feeling my bare leg and playing with my crotch. I moved his hand away. I cried. He knew that I wasn't interested and held me for a bit. He wiped away my tears by finding some tissue in my glove compartment. He can be sweet that way, especially when he first starts wiping them away from my face with his fingers.

He tried to make me feel better by tenderly kissing me. His indecision came crawling back again and I was an upset wreck once more. He apologized and admitted that it was his fault for making me feel confused and upset. He held me again.

I had forgotten that my resisting his moves to get me in the mood actually is a turn-on for him. He held my hand, squeezing it often.

"Do you want to be spanked?" he asked me.
"No," I said, which was true.
"I think that you need to be spanked. You have been a bad girl. I need to punish you. I am not leaving your car until you are over my lap and I have spanked you."
"You could be here all night," I said.
"If it takes that long, so be it," he said, groping my butt once again.
"You are persistent," I said, looking at him.
"I want you to be happy," he admitted. "Come over here."

He pulled me over his lap. I got to hug his right thigh, which was nice and muscular. He caressed my buttocks a bit and then gave me three fairly hard smacks across my grey pants.

He did something that always turns me on. Normally, he carefully unbuttons and unzips my pants, and then spanks me over my panties. When he truly want to spank me hard, he will pull down my pants and panties, without carefully unbuttoning and unzipping them.

My bare bottom was exposed. He landed several hard smacks. He then rapidly gave me many hard smacks after that, which hurt. I playfully called him Mr Meanie, and he continued the assault on my bare backside.

He then pleasured me. I came and was happier, especially with a warmed up bottom. He helped pull up my panties and pants, and then propped me up like a little rag doll.

I rested for a bit. My guy wanted me to play with him, but I wasn't quite ready. Instead, he held me in his arms for a bit. My right hand was resting close to his crotch. I could feel his member get harder. It was nice. My other hand was groping his right buttock.

I rubbed his hard cock that was still in his pants. He couldn't it take it anymore and let me jerk him off.

My right hand was under his bare butt. I loved it. My left hand was jerking him off. I eventually had to change hands, so my right hand took over the handjob and my left hand played with his balls. He came all over my hand, which was the result that we both wanted.

We cleaned up. We cuddled, which I always love and have missed. He agreed.

It was getting late. My guy and I had our goodnight kiss, which lasted for probably ten minutes.

"You are the best kisser, ever," he said to me.
"Likewise," I said, caressing his head and then kissing it.
"That was sweet."

He managed to make things better. I drove home with a sore backside. It was a nice end to the evening.

Crying, but not for being bad

On Monday, my guy and I had a two-hour chatting session over Skype. I have missed him a lot. I know that he feels the same way about me these days.

I asked how he was doing. He immediately said that he was hard, which is his direct way of saying that he wanted to be with me.

We spent Valentine's Day apart, as he was on business. I have never been a huge Valentine's Day person. I had received an e-card from him, which was sweet. It had a pink teddy bear and a bunch of smileys. I happen to love teddy bears and I smile a lot. He liked a humourous e-card that I had sent him. The e-card said that he was delicious and that we should do lunch. It showed a banana, a bagel, a hot dog, and a chocolate-glazed donut.

We talked quite a bit about the last time that he had spent together.

"I liked when you took your shirt off," I said to him quietly.
"It was nice that you tenderly touched my chest and kissed it," he replied. "It was sweet."
"It was everything that I had imagined and more."

We then talked about my getting paddled.

"I liked the noises that you made when I was spanking you," he indicated to me.
"What noises did I make?" I asked him. I had no idea what sounds I had made.
"Every time I spanked you, you held onto me tighter," he reminded me.
"It hurt," I pointed out. "I was nearly in tears by the end of it. I was sore for two days. It was good."
"I love spanking and groping you," he pointed out.

We continued talking about making him come that day.

"You seem turned on by my kissing you as you jerk off," I remarked.
"I am turned on by your full lips," he admitted. "I liked when you fingered my asshole with one of your manicured finger."
"It was good. I'm glad," I said.

We then both got off over the phone. I described how I missed sucking him. He told me that he can't wait to spank my backside with anything he can get his hands on to make it sore for days.

The only downside was that he had made me cry towards the end of our conversation. He didn't mean to. However, after sex, he tends to get in a dopey state of mind in which he doesn't know what he is saying.

"How's your back doing?" he asked me. "It doesn't seem like anything has changed since your surgery."

That statement was hurtful to me. Yes, it is true that my walk before my back surgery is about the same as it is now. My nerves need time to regenerate. There are changes to my pinched nerves that only I can feel. I wasn't expecting to hear such an insensitive statement, especially from him. I couldn't hold my tears any longer.

"I feel like crying," I said, and did just that.
"Oh, don't cry," he said, finally snapping out of dopey mode. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm so sorry, sweetness,..."

He apologized practically nonstop for at least a minute. I could tell that he felt bad.

"I wish I was with you, to wipe your tears from your cheeks, to hug you tightly against my chest, and to tell you that you'll be okay."

He felt bad about making me cry. 

"I should have just asked you how your back was. I didn't have to garnish it with an idiotic comment," he explained.

He made me laugh. He felt better.

"You always laugh when I curse and call myself names," he remarked. He was right.

The best part about him trying to dig himself out of the hole that he had made was this remark:

"If it's any consolation to you, your back is getting better. I could tell when we were in the car," he said.
"What you really want to say is that when I sucked your cock, you knew that my back was fine," I said bluntly, which made us both laugh.
"I didn't want to word it that way, but it was what I had meant," he admitted.

Sure, my guy unintentionally hurt me, but his heart was in the right place. I was hoping that he would spank me until I cried. I wasn't expecting to cry this way. Maybe when he's back in town again, he can make up for his blunder. Perhaps I should put him over my knee and administer his first spanking.

Tell me that I've been a naughty little girl

I recall reading a study last week that said that women absorb text or words a lot better when it comes to visualizing something than men do. In my case, it holds true.

The other day, when I was trying to climax over the phone with my guy, I said something that I have wanted to say for a long time, but have always thought that it was a bit of a cliche:

"Tell me that I've been bad."

My guy did that.

"You've been such a bad girl," he started. "I am going to spank you so hard that you'll never forget it. I'm going to spank you till you cry. Your ass will be cherry red when I'm done with you. You're butt will be sore for a week. You will always be bad, and if I have to spank you in public, I will."

I liked everything that he had said. I especially liked the thought of being spanked in public -- that I've been so naughty that I needed to be dealt with immediately.

A girl can only dream. And yes, I did get off after hearing those words.