Moments of sadness and reflection

I have been sad here and there as of late. I can't help but to think about the ex right about now. We started dating in mid-September. It was exciting and wonderful going into October.

That feeling is long gone. 

I loved the fun, loving guy that he was. He ended up sucking the fun out of our relationship by making up terms. I had had enough when he wanted to be friends only -- no relationship and no sex. He then changed his mind a year later. He wanted the sex and friendship. No relationship.

I had had it. I wanted no sex, no relationship, and no friendship.

Even though I am at peace with my decision, I still have moments of sadness. When we were together and he didn't impose these ridiculous terms, it was magical. When he added terms that appeased him, it made me upset. When he ended our relationship, he hurt me. I felt abandoned and unloved.

For over a year, I have had to rediscover who I am. The person that I was before this relationship. The person that I am after having my heart torn apart, picking the pieces up, and telling him to shove it.

It's okay that I have moments of sadness and vulnerability. I was in it for nearly eight years. I'm entitled.

Maybe someday, I'll be with someone who loves me unconditionally. I'm still not there. I'm okay with it. 

Being vulnerable... he's here!

When my guy and I started dating, it took him a while to open up to me. He wasn't great at expressing how he felt. He would tell me that he felt vulnerable and a bit uncomfortable.

These days, he embraces his vulnerability. We both trust each other. He comes to me when he needs to talk. The feeling is mutual.

After sex, we both are in a lethargic, relaxed state. We say the most fun things afterwards. The other day, my guy ended up singing. That's nothing unusual.

"I'm here! I'm here!" he sang to me.
"I know. You're next to me," I said, sweetly kissing him.
"I'm here! You're here!" he said, in a dopey voice.
"You're here. Me, too," I said.

He's sweet when he is in this state. I just want to hug him even more.