Tuesday, March 25, 2014

My guy and his depression

My guy and I have talked about depression in the past. We have both had our bouts. However, mine have not been as lengthy as his can be.

He is currently going through a lengthy depression. It has lasted for nearly three months.

I have noticed a demise in his interests. We don't engage in sex as much as we used to. I haven't been spanked in weeks. We haven't talked much while we were both away on different business trips. Ever since I moved away from his cubicle at the office, he rarely goes to his. He hardly comes up to see me at my cubicle, preferring to stay in the training room.

Last Wednesday, he decided to connect with me on Skype at 18:30. Wednesdays are my longest days and I was heading home. He was on Facebook an hour earlier. I confronted him on the fact that he first apologized for not being online. Yet, he was indeed on Facebook. He said that he was swamped with work. I told him that I wanted to believe him, but his hours on Facebook did not add up.

He told me that he didn't feel like socializing. I suppose that it's a bit ironic that he decided to spend hours on a social network. Then again, I get what he meant. He wanted alone time, which meant being in front of his laptop. Throwing himself into his work is one symptom of being depressed. I do that often when I am depressed.

I told him that I felt that he was pushing me away. He admitted that he just feels anti-social. He still wants to go out for lunch with me. It is unfair for me to "wait" for him, as he barely communicates with me. Part of me wants to just call it quits.

I am not like that, though. He needs to know that I am there for support. It is completely different than thinking that I could possibly cure him of mental illness, which is completely out of my league. He needs help. I can love him and support him. I can't cure him. Professionals need to help him.

He told me to think about having lunch with him on Wednesday. Although he doesn't exhibit wanting or needing me these days, which is understandable under the circumstances, he still shows me that he wants to be with me. This little detail is an important one.

I need to insist that we go out for lunch when he is in town. I have a feeling that he hasn't been working out as often as he used to, so I need to suggest that he return to an activity that he enjoys. I also need to get his mind off being sad and to have him be more active.

I asked him if it was a particular thing that he was depressed about. Nope. He is just in a long, depressed state. Four years ago, he was on medication for a year and it took forever for him to get off it. The side effects were not pleasant for him. I still think that he needs to talk to a professional. If not, he needs to talk it out and talk things through, when he is ready. I reassured him that I am all ears when he feels like opening up to me.

He has opened up. Most men would not flat out say that they are depressed. He is comfortable with me that he can simply tell me so. I don't want him to isolate himself or to think that he is alone. He is not.

Sorry for the rather low tone to this post. It is my outlet to describe what is going on in my life -- both the happy and trying times.

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