Bad, bad girl

Although he really isn't my guy anymore, I will stick with calling him that until I can figure out what other nickname to give him.

Anyway, we had a decent lunch together on Tuesday. I will write about that in a bit.

We still have a close friendship. At one point, I teased him. He took a pair of cheap wooden chopsticks at our usual Chinese restaurant and started slapping my hands with them. He called me a bad girl while doing so.

Under normal circumstances, when I am not grieving, I would be turned on by those words. I did come across this video recently. It's fitting.

I agree with a number of supporters both in the blogosphere and my in-town friends that I should continue to blog about how I feel. After all, I do write for a living and it does provide me comfort. Thanks for your encouragement while I sort out how I feel and try to pick myself back up.

The end

Last Monday was the day when my guy broke the news. He called my desk phone from a conference room at work.

Next week, we are both in New Jersey for training. He is giving a seminar. I am a participant in a two-week training course. We had plans to stay in the same hotel and sneak into one of our hotel rooms for some quality time. We were also going to share a car rental.

Well, all those plans got dashed when my guy suggested that he stay in a different hotel and that I can rent my own car. I asked him if we could talk in the conference room. He was fine with that, so I walked over there and shut the door behind me.

He told me that it would be best if he let me go. We talked for a while. What upset me even more was that he put a restriction on not going out for lunch or anything together. As a group lunch with other colleagues, it would be fine. Just not as a couple.

It was odd in that he wants to remain friends. However, I don't see that happening if he does not want to have lunch, dinner, or coffee away from work -- basically talking one-on-one. How often can two folks book a conference room to talk quietly about personal stuff?

So, not only was ending a nearly two-year relationship bad enough, but the friendship that he wanted to have was being destroyed with his self-imposed constraints.

He could tell that I was upset. He told me that he had to go, came over to me, kissed the top of my head, gently placed his hand behind my back, and then walked out the door.

I sat in my chair in an empty boardroom at nearly 19:00, alone, abandoned, isolated, sad, and distraught.

Next week in New Jersey will be both awkward and difficult.

It's over

It has been a trying week. I didn't expect what was about to happen.

As I have mentioned, my guy is going through a lot of personal issues. He has decided to let me go. It has been a difficult week for both of us.

We still love each other. It is evident. When I cried yesterday because I told him that I am grieving over losing him and that I am depressed, he felt bad. I didn't mean to, but we both agreed that we thought we'd be together for a lot longer than two years.

The thing is that he has a lot of baggage to sort out. He doesn't feel that it would be fair to drag me along.

At least we are on speaking terms. However, I was devastated that he has cut off a lot of the ways that we once communicated with each other. It has been tough. These days, we only talk on the phone. In a way, it's better. It's more direct.

Our chat after work on the phone today was one of the better ones that we have had where we are both not pouring out how sad we are and what is bugging him. The truth is that he needs to work things out with a professional psychologist or get some counselling. I can lend him my ears, but I am not trained to help him out.

He told me that he was sorry -- that he never meant to hurt me. Normally, I wouldn't stay friends with someone who has broken up with me. I can't do that in this case. He is my best friend. We also work for the same company.

We will see how things go. A couple of days ago, I felt depressed, rejected, and isolated. I have moments where I seem like my regular self. Then, I come across some trigger that makes me burst into tears. It has been rough.

If anyone has any advice on how to mend a broken heart, I would greatly appreciate the suggestions and support. In the meantime, I am halfway through reading a book called Good Grief.

I don't know how regularly I will be updating this blog. Obviously, the spanking has ceased and I am not exactly in the most cheerful of moods. So, if I am gone for a bit, you do know why. I am trying to grieve and pick myself back up.

Burlesque birthday spanking with paddle

This burlesque self-spanking video caught my eye the other day:

I have spanked myself in the past, but never quite like this woman did. Perhaps I should have given myself a birthday spanking a couple of months ago. Of course, it is never too late. =)

A phone call before our Thursday night dinner

Before my guy and I became an item, we chatted casually on Skype. He asked me for my Skype handle and I gave it to him. A day later, he added me and said who he was.

One day, while sending instant messages on Skype, he asked if we could talk over Skype, as he tends to be an "old-fashioned guy." It kind of makes sense as we have come to know each other.

I was at work on Thursday. At around 16:45, he came upstairs to our cubicle area and talked to me about something work-related. His actions were the complete reverse compared to the previous day. I think that he was less tense after having our talk. I suggested that he talk to a couple of software developers upstairs. He liked my advice and did just that.

Technically, he didn't have to come upstairs. He could have sent me a text message. Instead, he wanted to talk face-to-face.

Roughly forty minutes later, he came back to his cubicle. Rather than sending me a message on Skype to figure out whether I was ready to leave work, he disappeared.

A minute later, my desk phone at work was ringing. It was from a conference room -- the same room in which we had had our chat the day before. He was cheerful. He asked if I was ready to go. I was. I noted that he was connecting with me in an old-school fashion. He said yes. We both liked it.

My guy left work first. I followed shortly after. I met him in the parking lot. He was sitting in his car. I said hi, reached through his half-opened car window to caress his head. He smiled. He clearly liked that.

We walked into the restaurant, both ordered noodle dishes, and talked. He started off fretting about changes at work and some baggage from his past, but I managed to make him laugh towards the end of the night.

Perhaps an hour or two later, we headed to the counter to settle our bill. My guy was kind to pay.

"Thanks for dinner," I said, which is normally how I express how much I appreciate having dinner with him.
"You're welcome. Thanks for the company, sweetness."
"You're welcome, sweetie."

He's getting back to his normal self. He just needs some time and support.

Birthday wake-up spanking

I haven't done much browsing on YouTube lately for birthday spanking videos. If you have been following along from the early stages of my blog, I find birthday spankings to be big turn-on.

My rationale is that I never got such a spanking when I was a kid. Rather, I insisted on getting my much deserved yearly spanking when I became an adult and was with a significant other at the time.

Anyway, this video reminded me of my guy. He has roughly the same build. He's slender. I have given my guy a few lovetaps now and again. He has told me that it doesn't do much for him, but he has never told me that he doesn't like when I do that. What is interesting is that my guy likes when I grope his backside. Sometimes, he'll take my hand and place it on his butt. So, there is hope.

My guy also has a difficult time waking up and getting started with my day. This video is cute.

Of course, it would have been better if my guy were in it, that I were administering his birthday spanking, and that he were over my knee.

A girl can fantasize, right?

Rough times for my guy

I could sense that something was wrong with my guy on Wednesday.

I briefly saw the back of his head in the communal lunch room. He didn't come to visit me. That was unusual for him.

He eventually did come over to his cubicle at 6 pm. We chatted along with another colleague. I then asked him if he had a moment to chat. He did. We went into a conference room and closed the door.

Sure enough, my guy is going through a tough time both at work and with how he feels about himself. He openly spilled what was wrong, which he wouldn't have been the case two years ago. He's a moody guy, but we both seem relieved talking it out.

I told him that he was my best friend. He said that it was mutual. He appreciated that I am always there for him and that I am understanding.

Needless to say, now is not the best time for us to engage in treehouse time. However, I had to squeeze his hand and tell him that all would be okay. I also got to caress him freshly shaven head. He felt good after I had done that.

We had planned to go out for dinner on Thursday night to talk some more. It did help that we had spent an hour talking things through at work.

He'll be okay. Time tends to help sort such things out.

A staycation worth waiting for

Over the long Labour Day weekend, I decided to do a staycation, which consisted of my checking into a hotel in Mississauga. Sure, it's not exactly an exotic place to relax, but it worked for me.

I work by the airport, but that's not exactly the heart of the city. I don't know much about Mississauga, other than where the major shopping malls are. I was talking to my guy the other day and mentioned that I had never seen a movie in that city. He was somewhat shocked.

Well, on Saturday, I did just that. I saw The Butler. It was a free flick for me, as I had enough movie points to splurge. It was a great movie. I highly recommend seeing it.

I had mentioned to my guy that I was staying in a hotel this weekend. He told me that he'd be flying in on Saturday night and that he would stop by. He did.

He knocked on my door at 22:20. I opened it and asked if I knew him. He laughed.

He liked the hotel room. The rooms have been recently renovated and my room was spacious. The regular rate was going for $119 a night, but I ended up with a decent $40 discount a night.

We hugged. It felt so good. He was wearing his black blazer, which makes him look dapper and even more attractive than ever. He smelled good, too. He was wearing aftershave that reminded me of our first date.

We kissed. It was soothing and things felt familiar again. He gave me a present from Croatia.

"Should I open it now?" I asked him.
"I'd rather open something else of yours," he said sheepishly.

He held my hand and led me to the king-sized bed. We sat on it for a bit. 

"How have you been?" he asked me.
"I'm definitely better now," I replied.
"Likewise," he agreed.

We kissed some more. He looked at what was under my pink shirt and asked whether my seatbelt was on, which meant that he wanted to grope my breasts. Anyway, he saw his favourite black bra under my shirt. He loved that. We stretched out on the bed, with my guy pulling up my shirt to play with my breasts.

He managed to get my breasts out of my bra. He fondled my left nipple as he sucked the right. It was wonderful.

Soon enough, I was being fingered by him. He had reached under my shorts and lacy black panties, and was pleasuring me. I was curled up against him as I came. My orgasm was incredibly intense.

"Wow, that was amazing," I said in a dopey tone.
"Good," he said.
"It was so different," I remarked.
"See, you can have good sex on a bed. Isn't this new spin on things great?" he said, teasing me.
"You really want me to be an airhead, don't you?" I asked him, which made us both laugh.

He then worked on fingering my backside. I made the remark that he can always find the backdoor. He certainly did. Moments later, I came again.

I wanted to rest my head against his chest. I have always enjoyed that position after I have had an orgasm and feel limp. He let me.

When I had more energy, I began caressing his hard cock with my right hand. His navy blue trousers were smooth to the touch. His cock was getting harder with every stroke.

My guy couldn't take it any longer. His shoes came off, as did his trousers and briefs. I was jerking his erect penis. It felt nice.

My guy likes when our legs are intertwined. We did just that. I continued to jerk him off. What I wasn't expecting was my guy's leg rubbing against my wet pussy. I was so turned on that I wanted to come, but I wanted him to as well. He yelled out to forget about him and to have me come. I felt bad at first, but I want to reach orgasm desperately that I did. It was amazing.

When I had restored some of my energy again, I asked about him and began jerking his cock again. I had it rub against my bare thigh from time to time, which drove my guy crazy. We kissed while I continued giving him a handjob. He came all over my hand. We both loved it. All this time on the bed, I had my right hand groping my guy's bare bottom. It was hot!

We rested for a bit. My guy then got up to get a towel to dry off. We talked for a bit and hugged in bed, talking about our day.

It was perfect. I had got him a bag of protein powder. He was thankful. I was, too. I knew that it was a long travel day for him and I appreciated that he had stopped by. He was equally as grateful to have spent some quality time with me in a bigger venue than what we're accustomed to.

Staycations are good.

Sightseeing first, chatting next

My guy has been pretty consistent with catching me on Skype at around 17:00. On Thursday, I was at work and we connected online.

I had left my earbuds at home. However, having Skype on my phone is a blessing! I found a conference room, shut the door, and talked to my guy for an hour.

I was surprised to hear from my guy. He told me the other night that he was going sightseeing. I thought that he would be dead tired that he wouldn't have a chance to talk to me.

He had so much to tell me. One of his clients was kind to give him a tour of Zagreb with another colleague. They were both women. My guy found the client to be cute. She was small and chubby. He also told me that she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

"You wish that I were tiny and an airhead sometimes, don't you?" I asked him.
"I like the thought of that, but I could never hold a decent conversation and have great sex as I do with you," he replied.

He's a smooth talker. He always has and continues to be one.

He was disappointed that this tour didn't include showing him the nightlife that the city has to offer. He recommended that I visit this city. He couldn't help but rave about it.

We said goodnight. I told him that I wished that I could kiss his head and tuck him into bed. He confessed that he has always loved when I kiss him all over his face. I told him that I will do that more often, but I tend to kiss his lips first, as they are enjoyable and so full. He said that the feeling was mutual.

"Blurred Lines" parody with a lovetap

Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" was probably one of the most memorable songs that was released this summer. It's a catchy tune, but its video caused some controversy and tons of discussion.

Well, there's a parody. The best part about this video? Check out 1:17 of this over three-minute video:

Although I have given my guy a playful swat or two across his backside, he isn't the type to wear white briefs. Perhaps I should convince him after having seen this video. =)