Friday, June 05, 2015

E is for engaging event -- making an exception by commemorating my wedding anniversary

I don't typically commemorate my wedding anniversary these days, simply because I have been divorced for several years now. I thought that I would make an exception.

Today would have been my wedding anniversary. It would have been a milestone.

For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I was extremely unhappy while married to a man who cared more about himself than those around him. It was difficult living with him. I stayed in the marriage many years too long until I had enough strength to leave it.

My ex-husband proposed to me early in our courtship, which I found odd. It was within a matter of weeks. He wanted to get married immediately. I had started my second of year undergraduate studies. I wasn't ready to get hitched. Instead, I insisted that we get married after I graduated. He was good with that.

We married at Old City Hall in downtown Toronto almost three years later. It wasn't a fancy wedding. It was a civil one. We had two witnesses with us. We said our vows, kissed, and were married.

I remember what I wore. Only my blouse was white. I have never liked a full dress on me, especially when I was fifty pound heavier then than I am now.

We took a cab from the hotel where we were staying in Scarborough to Old City Hall. After we got hitched, we took another cab back.

We started our honeymoon immediately. The first thing he did was have me face down, lying on the bed. He lifted my skirt up and gave me a number of smacks across my panties. They were hard smacks.

My ex-husband was the first person who has ever spanked me. He was the first person that I ever spanked. I lost my virginity to him.

Although he treated me badly as our marriage progressed, I try not to recall all the negative memories that I have. It's difficult, especially when I am a reflective person with a decent memory.

I was happy on my wedding day. It wasn't the wedding that I had dreamed about, but I have never asked for much. It was a good day.

A week later, I graduated from university. My parents and my ex-husband attended my graduation. My ex-husband and I then went to celebrate by having a lovely dinner.

We both learned that beer and ice cream do not mix. I have never done that combination ever since.

My guy and I talk about my ex-hubby now and again. I typically don't bring it up in conversation. It is usually some sort of trigger that causes me to briefly talk about him. My guy never rolls his eyes and tells me to stop talking about the ex-hubby, simply because I don't talk about him much and my guy doesn't mind when I do talk about the ex.

When I told my guy of my ex-husband's death, my guy was the one who asked questions about him and how I was coping. I truly believe that my grieving caused my guy to slowly come out of his depression. We are alike in that we both feel that we can't be depressed simultaneously. At least one of us needs to get the other out of the darkness. I have done that more often for my guy these days. He rarely sees me get to such a stage and reacted immediately when I did last month.

I have learned so much from my ex-hubby. I continue to learn so much from being with him and from living my life with my guy.

Life is definitely better when you are with someone who loves you completely and gets you. It's a mutual sentiment, which is one reason why my relationship with my guy works.


  1. Thank you so much for sharing. I am of the mind that all of our life experiences make us the person we are today. So maybe if you had never had that first marriage or met your ex-husband you would have never found your guy now. I think it's okay to be reflective and it's good to think about the good times.Your guy sounds like he is a good fit for you.

    1. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to drop me a line. I truly appreciate it!

      I agree that experience, both good and bad, shape who we are. I am definitely in a good place with my guy these days. =)

  2. I'm happy that your guy has been able to pull you out of your bad place. Kudos to you for being able to learn from the negative and see the positive of being with your ex...that is not an easy task.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    1. Thanks, Cat. It definitely isn't easy to see the positive aspects of being with the ex-husband after dealing with so much negativity during our marriage. I suppose that time and a positive perspective help.