Friday, September 13, 2013

It's over

It has been a trying week. I didn't expect what was about to happen.

As I have mentioned, my guy is going through a lot of personal issues. He has decided to let me go. It has been a difficult week for both of us.

We still love each other. It is evident. When I cried yesterday because I told him that I am grieving over losing him and that I am depressed, he felt bad. I didn't mean to, but we both agreed that we thought we'd be together for a lot longer than two years.

The thing is that he has a lot of baggage to sort out. He doesn't feel that it would be fair to drag me along.

At least we are on speaking terms. However, I was devastated that he has cut off a lot of the ways that we once communicated with each other. It has been tough. These days, we only talk on the phone. In a way, it's better. It's more direct.

Our chat after work on the phone today was one of the better ones that we have had where we are both not pouring out how sad we are and what is bugging him. The truth is that he needs to work things out with a professional psychologist or get some counselling. I can lend him my ears, but I am not trained to help him out.

He told me that he was sorry -- that he never meant to hurt me. Normally, I wouldn't stay friends with someone who has broken up with me. I can't do that in this case. He is my best friend. We also work for the same company.

We will see how things go. A couple of days ago, I felt depressed, rejected, and isolated. I have moments where I seem like my regular self. Then, I come across some trigger that makes me burst into tears. It has been rough.

If anyone has any advice on how to mend a broken heart, I would greatly appreciate the suggestions and support. In the meantime, I am halfway through reading a book called Good Grief.

I don't know how regularly I will be updating this blog. Obviously, the spanking has ceased and I am not exactly in the most cheerful of moods. So, if I am gone for a bit, you do know why. I am trying to grieve and pick myself back up.


  1. So sorry about your loss and give yourself time to grieve and treat yourself to some things you like to do. And reach out to friends. And maybe even try some therapy. A breakup is one of the most stressful things a person can face.

    And try to keep blogging. It allows you to share your emotions instead of keeping them bottled up. Good luck.


    1. Thanks for the helpful advice, FD. It is much appreciated! It hurts and I have been talking it out. I would be even more depressed if I kept all my thoughts and feelings to myself.

      Hopefully, I will come back here and update, but it's difficult. I wrote a lot about my life with him here. I have started writing in a different blog, which is therapeutic. We'll see how that goes.

  2. All I can say in good luck in coping with this and do what you think is best for your recovery.


  3. Sorry to hear about your 'letting go'. I have been through that before, and as time passes, it does get better.
    Be Strong-

    1. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Time heals. It has barely been a week, so I will continue to grieve and gather strength.